Screenwriting

I did a Stage32 Writing Pitch recently. The literary manager passed — but gave me solid, concrete feedback.

So I rewrote the pitch. And honestly? I’d love for this manager to read the new version.

Not because I expect a miracle — but because I did the work.

I’m considering buying another session with him.

Has anyone here done that before? Did it lead to a better outcome?

Curious to hear your thoughts before I click “Book” again.

I can’t decide.

“A faint smile touches his face — lingering.”

or

“A faint smile touches his face — and lingers.”

8 minutes on this.

Why.

(But still.)

Curious to hear your thoughts — which one feels right to you, and why?

I gave ChatGPT this prompt: I recently got a first ten-page review of my script from Stage32.com. That makes me wonder something, mostly because I have a different sense of humor. I'd like you to take on the role of a Stage32.com reviewer, and be fair but tough, as you analyze the first part of, say, Hamlet, by William Shakespeare. (This could be interesting.)

The output is amazing. (And it makes me feel better about my own results.)

This is interesting—and a good stress-test for taste and tone. I’ll take on a Stage 32–style First 10 Pages Script Coverage, aimed at being fair, professional, and a little tough. I’ll treat Hamlet as if it just landed in the submission queue today.

STAGE 32 FIRST 10 PAGES COVERAGE

Title: Hamlet

Writer: William Shakespeare

Format: Stage Play (would likely be evaluated today as a Feature or Limited Series pilot)

Genre: Tragedy / Psychological Drama

Pages Reviewed: Act I, Scene i–ii (approx. first 10 pages)

OVERALL IMPRESSION

PASS (with notable strengths)

The opening establishes mood and thematic ambition quickly, but the first pages lean heavily on dense dialogue, exposition, and tonal solemnity that may alienate a modern audience before the central dramatic engine fully ignites. There is clear mastery of language and atmosphere, but accessibility and pacing are immediate concerns.

CONCEPT & HOOK

The supernatural cold open—guards on watch encountering an unexplained apparition—is a strong conceptual hook. Starting with uncertainty, fear, and unanswered questions is effective and genre-forward, bordering on horror. That said, the hook is atmospheric rather than narrative. We don’t yet know whose story this is or why we should emotionally invest beyond curiosity.

From a Stage 32 perspective, the opening lacks a clear protagonist POV within the first few pages. Hamlet himself does not appear immediately, which delays audience alignment.

Strength: Immediate mystery and tone

Concern: Delayed emotional anchor

TONE & GENRE CONSISTENCY

The tone is relentlessly serious, somber, and formal. While appropriate for tragedy, there is virtually no tonal modulation early on—no levity, contrast, or rhythm changes. This can read as monotonous to contemporary readers, especially in a first-ten-page evaluation where engagement is critical.

There are moments of dry, situational irony later, but they do not surface early enough to signal range.

CHARACTER INTRODUCTIONS

The Guards (Bernardo, Francisco, Marcellus): Functionally effective but interchangeable. Their dialogue serves the plot rather than revealing individual personality.

Horatio: The most grounded presence so far. He acts as a rational observer, which is useful dramatically, though his skepticism is stated more than dramatized.

Claudius & Gertrude (Scene ii): Politically efficient but emotionally distant. Their relationship dynamics are implied rather than felt.

Hamlet: When he finally appears, his emotional state is clear, but his internal conflict is delivered in long, formalized speech rather than active behavior.

From a development standpoint, Hamlet is compelling, but he enters late and introspectively, which may test reader patience.

DIALOGUE

The dialogue is eloquent, elevated, and unmistakably confident. However, it is also:

Dense

Repetitive in emotional beats

More philosophical than dramatic

Characters frequently articulate themes directly rather than allowing subtext or action to carry meaning. In modern script terms, this would likely be flagged as “on-the-nose,” even though the language itself is impressive.

PACING & STRUCTURE

The first ten pages are heavy on:

Setup

World-building

Political and emotional context

There is minimal forward momentum in terms of plot escalation. The supernatural element helps, but it remains abstract rather than actionable at this stage. For a contemporary audience, the inciting incident feels postponed.

MARKETABILITY (MODERN CONTEXT)

In today’s marketplace, this would likely struggle unless:

Reimagined with a clearer genre frame (e.g., psychological thriller)

Streamlined in dialogue

Anchored sooner to a central POV

The material feels prestige-oriented but niche, and better suited to an audience already inclined toward classical or literary drama.

STRENGTHS

Strong thematic ambition (identity, truth, morality)

Confident voice

Effective atmosphere

Memorable central character once introduced

WEAKNESSES

Slow burn without early payoff

Dense, formal dialogue

Limited character differentiation early

Delayed protagonist focus

RECOMMENDATIONS

If this were a Stage 32 submission today, I would recommend:

Introducing Hamlet earlier or reframing the opening to tie the mystery directly to him.

Reducing dialogue density and allowing moments to breathe.

Finding tonal contrast earlier to maintain engagement.

Clarifying the central dramatic question within the first ten pages.

FINAL NOTE (Stage 32–Style)

There is undeniable talent and ambition here, but the opening prioritizes intellect over immediacy. With refinement and modernization, this could resonate strongly with the right audience—but in its current form, it asks a lot of the reader before giving them a reason to stay.

Hi everyone, I’m an emerging screenwriter focused on character-driven stories around family, class, and moral conflict. I’m currently developing short films and feature ideas and looking to learn, share, and connect with other writers and filmmakers here. Glad to be part of the community.

My latest screenplay (in process) contains an original song. Is it typical to include the entire song lyrics into the screenplay, or just refer to "finish the song" when it is to be performed?

Hi everyone,

I’ve recently completed a TV pilot titled Dark Soul of Mine and would genuinely appreciate honest, constructive feedback.

It’s a supernatural / psychological horror set in a remote mountain town, where a rare meteor event triggers a phenomenon that forces residents to confront buried sins when identity itself begins to fracture.

I’m especially interested in thoughts on:

- Whether the hook pulls you in

- Character clarity

- If the ending makes you want to watch episode two

Here’s the Script Revolution link:

https://www.scriptrevolution.com/scripts/dark-soul-of-mine

Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time, and I'll be happy to return the favor.

Milan

I recently completed my TV pilot, Beasts Among Us, and I'm looking for feedback on it. So far, the comments I've received have been mostly unhelpful. I've considered both going back to contests again but also pitch sessions, both of which provided me amazing feedback that helped strengthen my scripts. I'm curious to see what everyone thinks is the better option.

This was the contest I was interested in:

https://filmfreeway.com/WikiScreenplayContest

I've submitted to them before, and the feedback I received was invaluable.

I sometimes (actually often xd) reading articles with full of writing ideas, and I already writed few short film script based on one.

Actually, there are a lot of movies with similar theme (for example, “E. T.” and “Lilo and Stitch”), BUT with different story. I read in an article that if you want write a script (or novel, or anything) from a prompt, you can add one more prompt, or a different genre the one suggested by the prompt, or personal stories, to make your story original.

Is it / would be appropriate to post here looking for script submissions? Please do not send me anything now, I am simply asking if I can post a call for submission here. This is not the actual call for submissions!