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WARRIORS OF MA / THE KILLING OF SAIVA
By James L. Lytle III
Sedema Oranei, a young lord of the MA Coteri, finds himself battling within to do his duty as a warrior or stand back and watch his country be ravaged by war and his people enslaved.
SYNOPSIS:
Across the milky way galaxy there is the planet Nurei. It is the home of the MA Coteri's, (meaning: a group of individuals who gather to form a nation or society). The young MA lord, Sedema Oranei has been battling within himself to find his purpose among his people. Coming from his studies, Sedema thinks about his duty not just to be a warrior and die in battle but his desire to live a decent life of commitment to his people and lands. The struggles for Sedema Oranei is family tradition to protect the people in time of war or peace. His oath to the MA people whose lives are built around duty and the land, has this young lord torn in the hierarchy of his birth right. How will he choose? Seeing his coming future, Sedema is told of the death of an envious Lord's family. Lord Hatu Ilwanta kills his own wife and child to seek power throughout the Central Continent. The ruler and leader of the Chuma Coteri, will spread a lie through his Catei' Aco (Spiritual leader) to blame the MA for their deaths. War will come and it will draw in other Coteri's from the Central Continent to fight on behalf of either side.
WARRIORS OF MA / THE KILLING OF SAIVA
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Sounds interesting and has a lot of potential
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2 people like this
Hi, James. As requested, I am reviewing your logline, though admittedly a bit late. Going just on the logline - not reading the synopsis - I would suggest that you give us a short, descriptive clue as to what it is about the warrior that might push him into a choice to "stand back." He's a warrior, so why would he not fight? That defines the core of the conflict of the protagonist, and makes the audience wonder how he will meet the challenge. The description doesn't have to long - vivid and economic are what you want.
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Hi James, thank you for sharing this logline. Sounds really cool!
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Hi, James. The logline is fine to me. I added a comma after "Coteri" and I put a S on the end of "find". I also changed the last part of it to "his country be ravaged by war".
Logline: Sedema Oranei, a young lord of the MA Coteri, finds himself battling within to do his duty as a warrior or stand back and watch his people be enslaved and his country be ravaged by war.
The synopsis tells the story, but you didn't include Sedema Oranei's name. And you didn't include his struggle (finds himself battling within to do his duty as a warrior or stand back and watch his people be enslaved and his country ravage by war). If someone was to read the synopsis but not the logline, they wouldn't know these things.
Sheila's comment is correct.
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1 person likes this
Sounds really interesting!
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1 person likes this
The logline and synopsis sound very interesting! This could make a great movie or TV show.
The concept is great! I would shorten it up and use lesser words but keep the main focus on who the protagonist is and what is he/she trying to overcome, in as a few words as possible. Other than that, great job!
I read your logline and I have a few questions. What is the "MA Coteri,"? The Coteri are ravaged by war from who? Risk being enslaved by who? What is the young warrior "battling within,"? Battling within doesn't give a definable image that people can see/envision. If you were standing next to Steven Spielberg, how would you explain your movie to him in one sentence so that he understands the gist of it? Something like; "A young Coteri warrior finds himself battling........(fill in the blanks) and his own demons as his country is ravaged by war and his people enslaved." Something like that. I hope this helps bro. Congratulations on putting your dreams into action and having the courage to ask for help. Continued blessings.
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I think it seems it is an interesting story which could turn into a good script
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I like the logline and the synopsis. I like the creativity of the world you created.
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