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STRAWBERRY FIELDS
By Imola Orbán
SYNOPSIS:
Julian "Jude" Opal, the Captain of the Andromeda Project, is an important person more than the others on the spaceship: so much, that he's artificially infertile since he became the Captain, not allowed to have sex or have a partner, and can only go to his kids' games every two weeks. He is fighting his deppression (which is a common disease on the Andromeda), a grief because his parent’s death, and his sadness because of former love, the former Captain Aurora’s new marriage. Julian became a friend with a Vice-Captain, Astra. She has an autistic children. She decides to take Julian's place sometimes, while Julian helps her and her child. And an illicit romance develops between them. This story and its atmosphere are inspired by Beatles songs. "Forbidden romance" is not YA! :)
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Strawberry Fields sounds interesting and unique, Imola Orbán. Here's some feedback for your logline and synopsis:
Logline Feedback
I think your logline needs more information. Here’s a logline template that might help: After/when ______ (the inciting incident/event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (the main flaw the protagonist has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality) _______ (the protagonist’s title/job/career) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes).
The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: A _______ (the main flaw the protagonist has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality) _______ (the protagonist’s title/job/career) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes) after/when ______ (the inciting incident/event that sets the plot in motion).
Loglines are one or two sentences. A one-sentence logline sounds better, and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it. Try to keep your logline to 35 words or less. Long loglines can make producers, directors, etc. pass on a project.
Avoid using “must” in loglines. “Must” usually means the protagonist is forced to do whatever they need to do in the story instead of doing it willingly. You might need to use “must” in a logline though, like when the protagonist is forced by another character to do something. Using “must” to choose between two options is fine.
Names in loglines are usually for biopics, well-known stories, and franchises (like Mission: Impossible).
Sometimes I put the location and date that the story takes place in instead of the inciting incident if it’s a Period Piece script.
All stories don’t follow this logline template. Biopics, documentaries, and Experimental scripts might not follow the template. The series logline for a TV show can follow this template, but the pilot logline and episode loglines for the show might not.
Synopsis Feedback
I think some of the things in your synopsis need to be explained some more, like why Julian can only go to his kids' games every two weeks and explaining why Astra decides to take Julian's place sometimes, while Julian helps her and her child. And take Julian’s place how?
I think your synopsis needs a better flow. Here’s one of my short synopses that might help you with your synopsis’ flow:
A disobedient teenager named Julie and her mom, Andrea, move into a small-town house that’s alive. Knowing it’s alive, their new neighbor, Harriet, warns them so they’ll move out. The house introduces itself as Hank and says it wants Andrea and Julie to be its family; to replace its wife and daughter who died. They say no, so it locks them inside and says they’re not leaving. It tells Harriet she will be the family’s maid. Julie, Andrea, and Harriet try to escape, but the house stops them from getting out. After finding out about the house’s main weakness, Julie and Andrea injure it and escape.