Post your loglines. Get and give feedback.
A young man who has lost the meaning of life after being fired and family conflicts makes desperate suicide attempts, but each time he faces absurd obstacles, until a chance meeting with a woman who also hides her scars gives him a faint but vivid hope.
SYNOPSIS:
Anton, a 29-year-old desperate man stuck in a vicious circle of debt, unemployment, and toxic relationships with his family, decides to commit suicide. He tries different ways of suicide, from overdosing on sleeping pills to jumping off a bridge, but each time fate or chance intervenes: a rope breaks, neighbors frighten, passers—by interfere, or simply lack the determination. His attempts are accompanied by bitter humor and dark fantasies about the consequences that will come after his departure.
In a moment of utter despair, Anton receives a message from Tanya, a woman from a dating site who responds to his "mutual sympathy." Their dialogue, filled with sarcasm and hidden pain, becomes an unexpected lifeline. At the meeting, it turns out that Tanya also has her own scars — physical and emotional. Instead of direct declarations of love, they exchange cynical jokes and metaphors, but in this fragile union, Anton feels connected to another person for the first time in a long time.
The ending remains open: it is unclear whether this meeting will be the beginning of healing or a temporary pause in his struggle. However, even a faint ray of light breaking through the darkness makes you think: perhaps life is still capable of surprising.
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
1 person likes this
Sounds like a unique Comedy Drama, Abdusamad Shafiev. I think your logline could be tightened up a little and "an encounter" is vague. I think it'll help if you told what the encounter is.
A suicidal young man encounters unexpected obstacles and __________ that make him think about the value of his own existence.
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
2 people like this
If we consider a version of the logline formula (and the order of the bits can be shuffled around)
"When [Inciting Incident] happens,
a [Character Trait] [Protagonist]
must [Dynamic Action]
to [Achieve Goal]
before [Stakes/Consequences]"
And then plug in what you have:
WHEN: standing on the brink of life and death, in desperate attempts to commit suicide,
a [Character Trait] [Protagonist] ?
[Dynamic Action] encounters unexpected obstacles and an encounter that
[Achieve Goal] makes him think about the value of his own existence
Some bits seem a bit weak or vague. (A goal of thinking isn't very big)
HTH
Keep writing!
1 person likes this
Thanks for the comment, Maurice Vaughan! It's a great idea.
1 person likes this
You're welcome, Abdusamad Shafiev.
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
2 people like this
I love the concept, and I agree with @James Fleming about the logline, and I would expand the synopsis to 450- 500 words to help summarize the story with more depth.
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
2 people like this
Love the premise of your story that life is worth living no matter how hard things are. I always say Hope never quits.
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
Jorge J Prieto Thanks! I fully share your opinion. Life is wonderful!
Tom Stohlgren Thank you for your comment. I've redesigned the logline and synopsis, and I hope it's better now.
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
Rated this logline