Ch6 Pg 11
EXT, CASTLE GARDEN - NIGHT
Garerit, still cloaked in his enchanted invisibility cloak, crouches in the moonlit garden. He gazes up at the towering structure, where a single window remains lit- the Princess's chamber. Garerit clenches a small pouch in his the magic beans he had taken earlier.
Garerit inspects the small, shimmering bean in his palm. It pulses with a faint golden glow, humming softly with hidden energy.
Garerit (Thinking): "If these beans truly hold magic, then this should do the trick.”
Garerit kneels by the tower's edge and presses the bean deep into the soft earth. He quickly covers it and steps back.
A faint tremor ripples through the earth. Tiny cracks form in the soil. Garerit stumbles back, eyes wide.
With a sudden burst, a thick, twisting vine shoots out of the ground, spiraling and twisting upward along the tower wall! Its leaves spread wide, forming natural footholds. The beanstalk stretches higher and higher, wrapping itself around the side of the tower. It stops just below the Princess's window.
Garerit grips the vine and begins his ascent, carefully stepping on the thick leaves. The tower walls are too smooth to climb otherwise—this is his only way up. A cool night breeze sways the beanstalk slightly as he climbs higher.
Ch6 Pg 12
EXT, CASTLE GARDEN - NIGHT
Under the pale moonlight, Garerit climbs a thick vine that has sprouted from the magic bean he planted below. The vine coils around the stone tower, reaching the window outside Princess Elaine's room. Garerit moves with practiced ease, careful not to make noise.
Garerit crouches on the window ledge, his magic cloak draped over his shoulders. The moonlight streams through the window, illuminating the chamber's elegant yet lonely decor.
Princess Elaine, a young woman with sorrowful eyes, sits on a luxurious, ornate bed under the moonlight, gazing at the night sky. Her long, flowing silver hair drapes over her shoulders as she absentmindedly touches her flowing white gown. A small candle flickers on a nearby table, casting a warm glow alongside a gilded mirror. Her expression is distant and pensive. Garerit observes her with awe.
Garerit (Whispering): "Princess Elaine?”
INT, ELAINE"S ROOM - NIGHT
She turns her head toward the window as the sound of rustling leaves reaches her, eyes narrowing. She looks at the dark figure in surprise.
Elaine: "GASP! Who's there?”
Garerit (VO): "A friend.”
Garerit peeks through the windowsill with a mischievous grin. Elaine stood up quickly, startled by his sudden appearance.
Elaine (Softly): "Who are you? How did you find your way up here?”
Garerit (Grinning): "I'm Garerit, just a simple tailor, but a clever one. I used a little bit of magic."
Garerit steps down from the windowsill with a graceful bow. Elaine, though startled, watches him carefully, unsure of his intentions, but curiosity flickers in her gaze.
Garerit: "I heard a tale of a princess cursed to live as a white deer. Thought I'd see if it was true and meet her myself.”
I like the pages, Gregory Barone. It's like a mix of Jack and the Beanstalk and Rapunzel.
The last paragraph on Page 11 and the first paragraph on Page 12 are similar.
Sometimes you could do is give the beans another ability for later on. Grow into beanstalks and something else. Just something to think about.
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Ok, edit the one on pg12? I'm way ahead of you on the beans.
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Yeah, I think you should, Gregory Barone. Alright cool.
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Elaine - I heard a tale about some idiot who sold his mother’s cow for some beans.
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(Ch6 Pg12 Panel 1 - Wide Shot)
The vine wraps around the stone tower and reaches the window outside Princess Elaine's room. Garerit moves skillfully and quietly, taking care not to make any noise.
will this work?
That's still similar to the last paragraph on Page 11, Gregory Barone. What about removing that paragraph on Page 11 and having the first paragraph on Page 12 about the vine and Garerit climbing it, being careful not to make any noise?
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ok, I could go back to how it was written and combine the two into one. But what page should it be on?
I think it'll be better on Page 12, Gregory Barone.
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ok will do.
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here is the edited version.
(Under the pale moonlight, Garerit grips and climbs the thick vine that has sprouted from the magic bean he planted below. The tower walls are too smooth to climb otherwise—this is his only way up. A cool night breeze blows slightly as he climbs higher. The vine coils around the stone tower, reaching the window outside Princess Elaine's room. Garerit moves with practiced ease, careful not to make noise.)
better?
Yeah, it's better, Gregory Barone. That's Page 12, right?
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yes, should I post it here?
Yeah, that's fine, Gregory Barone.
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Ch6 Pg 12
(Ch6 Pg12 Panel 1 - Wide Shot)
Under the pale moonlight, Garerit grips and climbs the thick vine that has sprouted from the magic bean he planted below. The tower walls are too smooth to climb otherwise—this is his only way up. A cool night breeze blows slightly as he climbs higher. The vine coils around the stone tower, reaching the window outside Princess Elaine's room. Garerit moves with practiced ease, careful not to make noise.
(Ch6 Pg12 Panel 2 - Wide Shot)
Garerit crouches on the window ledge, his magic cloak draped over his shoulders. The moonlight streams through the window, illuminating the chamber's elegant yet lonely decor.
(Ch6 Pg12 Panel 3 - Medium Shot)
Princess Elaine, a young woman with sorrowful eyes, sits on a luxurious, ornate bed under the moonlight, gazing at the night sky. Her long, flowing silver hair drapes over her shoulders as she absentmindedly touches her flowing white gown. A small candle flickers on a nearby table, casting a warm glow alongside a gilded mirror. Her expression is distant and pensive. Garerit observes her with awe.
SB Garerit (Whispering): "Princess Elaine?”
(Ch6 Pg12 Panel 4 - Close-Up)
She turns her head toward the window as the sound of rustling leaves reaches her, eyes narrowing. She looks at the dark figure in surprise.
SB Elaine: "GASP! Who's there?”
SB Garerit (OP): "A friend.”
(Ch6 Pg12 Panel 5 - Close-Up)
Garerit peeks through the windowsill with a mischievous grin. Elaine stood up quickly, startled by his sudden appearance.
SB Elaine (Softly): "Who are you? How did you find your way up here?”
SB Garerit (Grinning): "I'm Garerit, just a simple tailor, but a clever one. I used a little bit of magic."
(Ch6 Pg12 Panel 6 - Medium Shot)
Garerit steps down from the windowsill with a graceful bow. Elaine, though startled, watches him carefully, unsure of his intentions, but curiosity flickers in her gaze.
SB Garerit: "I heard a tale of a princess cursed to live as a white deer. Thought I'd see if it was true and meet her myself.”
hope this works.
Hey, Gregory Barone. It works. I suggest using screenplay format.