THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
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ANOMALIES_EPISODE_ONE DAY AGAIN
By Jarred Keane
A failed musician is recruited by a young billionaire to travel back in time to save the life of his mentor, and in exchange, the chance to change the last eight years of his own life.
SYNOPSIS:
A rare genetic disorder gives a fraction of the population the ability to travel through time. For those who can move forward, they can see all possibilities until their death, and for those who can move backwards, they can go to any time in their life.
Those who can go back are unable to change anything in their past, leaving people like Scott, destined to simply re-live moments they cannot change or get back. Harmon is a young billionaire with the ability to visit the future, and a theory about working together to prove that changing the past is possible. In exchange for helping him bring his mentor, Dr. Prisha Kahnemann back from the dead by visiting the day she died over a year earlier, Harmon will help Scott change anything he wishes from his own past.
After almost erasing himself from existence with a foolish attempt to enrich himself, Scott becomes disillusioned about achieving his old dreams of rock-stardom, and instead obsesses over the girlfriend he dumped to chase that dream eight years earlier.
Harmon's intentions with Dr. Kahnemann are not so pure as they were working together to manufacture a drug that would give every person, with our without the genetic disorder, the ability to travel into the past.
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I think that there is a lot of cool potential here, Jarred, but I do feel like you could clarify what's actually happening a bit more. The first sentence is currently phrased in such a way that it takes us a second to fully process what's being said (and I don't know that you need to repeat the term "past" twice in the same sentence).
I would experiment with the most concise-yet-alluring way to phrase this logline. When doing so, don't be afraid to reeeeally spell out for the audience:
1.Who our protagonist is
2. What the inciting incident is
3. What the primary obstacle is
4. & what's the "or else" is/our stakes are
Fun stuff, though!
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Hi Angela, thanks for the thoughtfully detailed response. I've amended the logline now, so thank you again.
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Good Day, Buddy.
I just read through the logline as suggested, and I can see what you're going for. Interesting concept.
Bear in mind that Loglines are generally between 20-and 35 words, with 20 being viewed as High-Concept.
These things are entirely subjective; however, I thought I would try to assist by giving you some options of 34/35 word loglines. I hope it helps.
Logline suggestions:
A billionaire determined to save the life of a scientist recruits a failed musician with the genetic ability to time travel. However, his newfound power resurrects unwelcomed dreams and buried truths he’d long thought dead.
Determined to save the life of a scientist, a billionaire recruits a failed musician with the genetic ability to time travel. However, his newfound power resurrects unwelcomed dreams and buried truths he’d long thought dead.
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