THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
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$25,000
By Bop Shipman
A retired federal agent widower, tries to pull himself and family back together while trying to answer the question 'how do you kill a god', before millions die.
SYNOPSIS:
Some members of a college basketball team find a bag of money and enjoy using the money to the fullest, meeting women and partying. At the same time, a recent widower tries to pull himself and family back together, but he gets pulled back into his former work to answer the question 'how do you kill a god?'
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1 person likes this
You got a unique concept, Bop Shipman. I think you need to focus on the main story in the logline though. You already have the inciting incident of the logline in your synopsis: "After finding a bag of money some members of a college basketball team..."
How about something like: "After finding a bag of money on Spring Break, college basketball players try to _______ (goal of main story) so ________ (stakes)."
If you want to include both the main story and the secondary story in the logline, maybe have the logline as something like: "After finding a bag of money on Spring Break, college basketball players try to _______ (goal of main story) as a retired federal agent widower attempts to heal and answer the question, 'how do you kill money?'"
Also, I'm not sure what "how do you kill money?" means.
1 person likes this
I truly appreciate the input Maurice Vaughan ...the second one is definitely the way to go.
2 people like this
Cool. You're welcome, Bop Shipman. I like the script's title.
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thank you Tasha Lewis 2 and Marcos Fizzotti
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You're welcome, Bob.
1 person likes this
You Welcome!
this looks good the season is almost over might one get in someones hands quickly ...-___- DM ME