THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
Post your loglines. Get and give feedback.
NOT SUGGESTED YET !
By Dina Abou Raya
A story of three characters : A company employee, A merchant, and An artist, each one is struggling through his career, putting all of their efforts to fulfill their endeavor, and it's not getting better for any of them.
However, and alternately, each one of them is making progress in the other character's area of interest unintentionally.
Register / Log In
1 person likes this
Far too long for a logline. Look at examples of others. You need to be able to distil your story idea down to a much more concise description.
Yes Phil, you're right!
I just can't find the exact word that would replace the explanation that I made, and yet delivers the same meaning.
What about it now?
I don't feel it makes any sense :D
1 person likes this
Its length is better, but the content needs improving. It's all too vague and nebulous. It doesn't currently tell us anything about the story. "putting all their efforts to fulfill their endeavor", "making progress in the other character's area of interest unintentionally" -- these are too ambiguous for anyone to glean what's happening in your story and therefore too ambiguous to care.
1 person likes this
Dina, how do you feel about this for a logline? (I hope I'm not out of line for doing this...just wanted to help.)
"A company employee, a merchant, and an artist struggle in their individual careers...but unintentionally click when each one makes progress in the others' fields of work."
All the very best to you!
Yesssss!! .... Jim that's exactly what I meant :D... Thank you :D :D
Phil, frankly this is all I have to say about the idea, I still don't have a structure for what's happening.
I was keen about the concept of the story more than the events :$ :$
Rated this logline