The "police" must ignore their instincts when the sister of their number one suspect uncovers her fiancé's secret life. (could you be more specific than police i.e. Detective Smith, or "An experienced Detective must..."?) :)

Thanks for the insight and feedback, Dustin Quinteros!

Monica Mansy I think you have too many people in the logline to know who to follow. Here's a template to start with: When [INCITING INCIDENT OCCURS], a [SPECIFIC PROTAGONIST] must [OBJECTIVE], or else (or before) [STAKES]. Hope this helps.

Hi, Louisa Kendrick Burton! Thanks so much for the feedback and template!

"When a criminal defense attorney suspects her fiancé of infidelity, clues lead her to several women...all very dead, she must investigate who her fiancé really is, without becoming his next victim." Just a try. I like the story idea, and the title. Mostly it's just too wordy instead of punchy right now.

Thank you again, Noel Thompson! This is wonderful and positive feedback!

Hi Monica! Great start! I think yeah the language is just a bit muddled. Came here to share exactly what Louisa already did :)

Ha! Thank you, Nick Assunto! That little cheat sentence really helped me... still revising it, but it’s helped guide me in a big way.

Yeah right now it's not clear who your protag is. The POV seems to switch halfway through.