THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES

Post your loglines. Get and give feedback.

MACABRE

MACABRE
By Kelly Krause

GENRE: Thriller, Horror
LOGLINE:

When a high-minded Army captain teams with members of a lurid underground scene to stop a killer targeting Asian women in 1900s San Francisco, they discover the murderer is a corrupt politician with a horrifying weapon ... An amphibious monster.

***Inspired by local legend and actual events.***

SYNOPSIS:

SERIES SYNOPSIS

What would happen if San Francisco's most terrifying urban legend was true?

San Francisco, April 1907. A year has passed since the great quake and fire nearly wiped the city from the face of the earth. The slums south of Market Street and the old Victorian downtown are burned and gone. A modern, grander city rises in their place. Cable cars and automobiles fill the streets. Amid crowded refugee camps, salacious dancehalls and shady dive bars, towering commercial buildings and majestic hotels vie to touch the sky… But a new terror has also emerged from the rubble and ash.

Welcome to the world of Macabre. Part slasher horror, part neo-noir, and part sci-fi thriller, Macabre explores the crossroads of history, science, and urban legend.

It’s the story of Isaiah Young, a black Army Captain recently transferred from Manila. Called in by his former commanding officer turned Chief of Police, Isaiah is tasked with solving a series of gruesome murders targeting San Francisco’s Asian women.

Partnered with Sergeant Jesse Cook, one of the few clean cops in the city, Isaiah’s hunt for the Demon of Chinatown will lead him from the bright lights of the Barbary Coast to the fog-shrouded shores of Lands End, to vice-ridden brothels, opulent Nob Hill mansions, and working class ghettos. Along the way, he’ll encounter several denizens of San Francisco’s most nefarious districts, each of whose fate is tied inescapably to the Demon…

The only woman known to have slipped from the Demon’s grasp, Japanese-American Reiko Yamada will have to use her wits to elude would-be assassins and reveal the key to the murderer’s identity: something inhuman preys on the city’s women.

In the notorious Barbary Coast, aging stage actress Maxa and transgender showwoman Beatriz Vázquez, proud managers of the horror playhouse Théâtre du Macabre, face accusations of murder and must do the unthinkable to evade the hangman’s noose… Capture the real killer, dead or alive.

And in Chinatown, Yan Wong, the promising up-and-coming member of the city’s most powerful tong, must go beyond his gang’s authority and build outside alliances in order to find the Demon’s latest victim: his recent émigré sister Mei.

Imprisoned in a maze-like, subterranean estuary, Mei will have to rely on her resourcefulness to free herself and divulge the terrifying true nature of the Demon: a never-before-seen species, a twisted hybrid of Lovecraftian monsters and deep-sea creatures that embodies the malicious bigotry and greed of San Francisco’s white elite.

Thrown together in their pursuits of this menacing being, these improbable allies must overcome their assumptions about each other if they are to unravel the truth behind the killing spree. Their journeys from adversaries to trusted friends will lead them straight to the steps of City Hall, where local politician James Phelan leads a dark and bloody conspiracy to remove the Asian community from the prime real estate it occupies... And the Demon of Chinatown is his sordid plot’s executor.

Macabre is a journey through a San Francisco that few know... It is a tale of the intersections of immigration, xenophobia, racism and gentrification that continue to plague our society, of the fear we harbor for the unknown and the monsters both real and imagined it creates, of the shocking horrors we exact on each other, and the surprising friendships we can build with the most unlikely of companions.

Macabre… Because something hidden is about to emerge from the shadows…

Benjamin Wray

Love it! Let me know if I can help :)

Kelly Krause

Thanks, Benjamin! I appreciate hearing that more than you know. Just sent you a message, so yes, let's start helping each other. ; )

Kelly Krause

Thanks, Jerry! : ) The logline has gone through several rewrites, but I finally feel pretty content with where it's at. But who knows... As I continue to write this series, maybe the logline will continue to evolve, as well! ; )

Kelly Krause

Thanks for the rating, Aray!

Byron Olson

Rated this logline

Kelly Krause

Byron Olson , do you have any constructive feedback for the two loglines you rated? Your thoughts would be appreciated.

Peter Hurd

Rated this logline

Peter Hurd

Nice, this is a really good logline. The only thing I would say is that people may not know what a Buffalo Soldier is, not sure how well-known that is, or if it's even worth explaining it another way :)

Brian Thomas

Rated this logline

Rutger Oosterhoff

Absolute potential! But I want to know what does the force want (of course without giving away the stories clue )? Just a shitty try: "When a Buffalo soldier teams with a notorious stage actress to catch a gruesome killer in the chaos of the San Francisco's 1906 earthquake they encounter (must fight/destroy)a sinister force out to destroy/take over the world. But somehow world domination is getting boring. "Give me the same thing only different". For better logline analyses go to www.logline.it (PS: soldier not solider)

Rutger Oosterhoff

Rated this logline

Kelly Krause

Thanks for the great feedback, Peter Hurd, Rutger Oosterhoff, and John German. I've updated the logline, so please take a look when you have a moment.

Rutger Oosterhoff

Better! Only problem for me is that now you miss the part that intrigued me in the first place. The "after the SF earthquake" part. But adding it makes the the loglines contruction too long I think. Don't know.... What could also help is giving your logline a clear hook for shock effect. Furthermore you raise a new question in the new logline: "why (just) the Asian population"? The answer to that could be the interesting part (that needs to be in the logline).

Kelly Krause

Thanks, @Rutger! It's a process. ; ) I'll keep working at it!

S.J. Robinson

Rated this logline

S.J. Robinson

Sounds like you've nailed it based on all the feedback, well done!

Kelly Krause

S.J. Robinson , thank you so much! And thank you for the great rating. Just checked out your profile, and you are definitely my kind of writer. ; ) Hope we can connect.

S.J. Robinson

Pleasure is all mine! Loved yours too! Here's to the next wave of strong, intelligent, and refined ladies to hit Hollywood full force! ;)

Kelly Krause

S.J. Robinson , I'll drink to that! ; )

W Keith Sewell

Now, this logline made me want to know more. Why is the creature after only Asian people? I love the setting, the obvious adversity, and the possible inclusion of the culture, fears, beliefs of the Asian community in San Francisco. I remember that quake very well. Good work Kelly!

W Keith Sewell

Rated this logline

Kelly Krause

Thank you, W Keith Sewell ! I'm just finishing my first rewrite, so hopefully I can post the full script and synopsis soon. ; )

Mehdi Javaherian

Rated this logline

Bethany Boris

Rated this logline

Heidi Schussman

Rated this logline

Donald Dominguez

Rated this logline

Donald Dominguez

YES!!!!

Kelly Krause

Thanks for the great ratings, Mehdi, Bethany, Heidi and Donald! : )

Steven Michael

Can't seem to rate the logline - 4 stars. Second half is slightly confusing, but overall really good.

Kelly Krause

Thanks, Steven Michael ! Are either of the following stronger/more clear?

1) "When an enigmatic creature disembowels several women in San Francisco's Chinatown, a war-weary army officer must team with a disparate group of social outcasts to confront the corrupt city leaders orchestrating the bloodbath."

2) "When an enigmatic creature disembowels several women in San Francisco's Chinatown, a war-weary army officer must team with a disparate group of social outcasts to confront the corrupt city leaders behind the bloodbath before the Asian community is decimated."

Kelly Krause

Thanks for the great rating, Todd Saukko ! Any feedback you'd like to pass on? I'm always looking to improve. : )

Kenneth R Dickson

Rated this logline

Kenneth R Dickson

Very engaging Logline and synopsis. I especially like the idea of people from various backgrounds having to dispel their assumptions and bias against others. This reflects perhaps the greatest challenge in our time.

Brett Hoover

Rated this logline

Nathaniel Baker

Rated this logline

register for stage 32 Register / Log In