Feedback from analyst 6174A for Final Draft's Big Break Screenwriting Contest submission June 30th: (contest finals will be announced December 2025).

Commendable Qualities

One of the qualities that Nuns on a Mission has that makes this project unique and enjoyable is the

mixture of humor with the sacred. The Nuns continuously surprise and delight with their unusual

and often profane points of view. These are the kind of nuns that we would like to sit around and

shoot the bull with, or seek out guidance when in trouble. The dialogue is excellent and jumps off

of the page many times. An example of the excellent dialogue is on page 25 when Mother Superior

says: “Yes, I’m sure God would be fine… You need the money. I won’t look.” Beneath the words

lies the deep faith of a woman who faces the worst obstacles and challenges of her life. The

dialogue reveals Mother Superior’s character in ways that only authentic and mature dialogue can

achieve. The list of cocktails the Nuns come up with is another example how dialogue reveals

character and moves the plot forward. We understand what is at stake from the first page, and the

stakes continue to get higher as the story unfolds. The convent is about to be foreclosed and taken

by Vinny Bambini who is in cahoots with Father Gale. What a fantastic name for this character! We

can visualize him instantly, which demonstrates the power of a character’s name.) They are the

epitome of the archenemies. What a delightful and impressive cast of characters in the scene in

God’s Comedy Club in Heaven! Sister Frankie’s stand-up routine shines and foreshadows what is

to follow. The dialogue is clever, the relationships are entertaining, and we, the audience, laugh

and enjoy the show.

Revisions to Consider

Having said that about the scene in --- Comedy Club in ---, there is the thought that

placing Sister Frankie’s revelation so close to the beginning of the story might not serve its

purpose in the way you intend. In a way, it seems a little too easy for the answer to Mother

Superior and the Nun’s problem of losing the convent to appear so quickly. Perhaps you might

consider taking a look to see if placing Sister Frankie’s revelation after Father Gale and Vinny’s

introductions. Or perhaps introducing the other nuns before the revelation could raise the stakes

even higher and the audience has had time to invest their emotions with many of the characters.

The scene sequences of the Nuns preparing for the comedy night are entertaining, well written

and move the plot forward. However, within the overall structure of the pilot having more

obstacles trying to stop them from achieving their goal add dramatic tension and more conflict.

Consider taking a look to see if page 19 is where you want the plot to land, or if what is happening

here could happen a little later on. On page 27, Sister Mary Jean steps out of her office and Vinny

changes his behavior in a way that has not happened before. He addresses Sister Mary Jean, but is

unable to continue. This is a very interesting moment, and we sense that there is something going

on beneath the surface, but we can only guess. Curiosity like this is good, but we might need a little

more information; not in the moment when Vinny sees Sister Mary Jean, but before the end of the

pilot would help satisfy and perhaps increase our curiosity. I hope these comments and suggestions

are helpful to you. You have a gift for humor – and we need to laugh more than ever!