(I don't read other feedback before I leave my own.) 4 - Can you wait while "I" run home" 5 - I think the whole Japanese thing would have been funnier if right after you wrote "Zach blush deepens" then she responds in Japanese with " I think it's some sort of address." I think the setup for the joke stretches on too long the way you have it now. 8 - No problem, proves it's still there. - LOL! The entire scene when they wait for Reiko and meet up outside the theater could be cut. It gave us information we already knew. We were introduced to Brody and his fear of cats, but you can introduce Brody as they watch the film, and then his fear of cats when it finishes, if it serves a purpose, which I'm assuming it does. 11 - "Its" title, not "it's." 13 - Who is Sulzer? (Later, I realized it was Alan. I think you should stick to calling him one name. 13 - "The sheep get up" Nice. 14 - So I finished the studio scene and I'm confused. I think the Less is more rule comes into play here. Alan got whiff of a film that copied King Kong and he wanted the Japanese to bury it, right? That's all I really got from the scene. I'm assuming Benji will do something with the video. I think there were a lot of characters and dialogue for such a small thing that needed to be said and done. Three characters could have done all of that. You could just have someone put the reel in the machine, the men watch it, then Alan, Benji and someone else hold a conversation. Even if there are a bunch of men in the room, don't refer to them. It gets confusing. 15 - "You should have a think about it" - "You should think about it" is what you meant if she's American. 19 - You have Grandpa speaking twice. Finished. The mom was worried about paying for I guess medication for the dad or a surgery. She said she would sell the house, but Grandpa said no. I'm just wondering how does he plan on paying for Japan if they are seemingly struggling for money? I guess that will be explained. I wish there was a sense of urgency. Like there was a window of time where they needed the money. I felt as thought the character's didn't have a fire under them. Like, if they wanted to go to Japan a month later, nothing would change. At least that's the impression I'm getting from the first few pages. I think in order to punch this up, they NEED to leave as soon as possible, or else something bad will happen. Maybe you get into that later, but as of now it's not evident. Overall I did enjoyed this. The first 10 pages did grab me. I like the mystery behind it all. I think it would be a cool family film. It reminds me of the ones in the 80s.

Thanks Jean-Pierre and Fiona, appreciate the comments, an element of 'ticking clock' is established later on but I'll have a look and see if I can bring it forward to increase dynamism of first act. The racism piece comes in later too, with Rieko trying to understand her own identitiy (which is why she overreacts) and also with the antagonist... but if it reads long/clumsy then I'l have a look. Thanks again - Anthony