Sounds like an interesting Musical, Ville Hilden. I suggest giving the protagonist an adjective (the main flaw he has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes his personality). It'll give the reader more insight into his character.

I suggest changing "man" to his job/career/role.

I also suggest adding the inciting incident/event that sets the plot in motion at the beginning or end of your logline.

And I suggest adding the stakes.

Thanks Maurice, I will certainly follow your advice! This was something left unfinished long time ago but I thought I’d include it as a mental note to myself.

You're welcome, Ville Hilden. I'm looking forward to watching this!

Your logline is better, but I think it still needs some work, Ville Hilden. Here’s a logline template that might help: After/when ______ (the inciting incident/event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (the main flaw the protagonist has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality) _______ (the protagonist’s job/career/role) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes).

The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: A _______ (the main flaw the protagonist has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality) _______ (the protagonist’s job/career/role) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes) after/when ______ (the inciting incident/event that sets the plot in motion).

Loglines are one or two sentences. A one-sentence logline sounds better, and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it. Try to keep your logline to 35 words or less. Long loglines can make producers, directors, etc. pass on a project.

Avoid using “must” in loglines. “Must” usually means the protagonist is forced to do whatever they need to do in the story instead of doing it willingly. You might need to use “must” in a logline though, like when the protagonist is forced by another character to do something. Using “must” to choose between two options is fine.

Names in loglines are usually for biopics, well-known stories, and franchises (like Mission: Impossible).

Sometimes I put the location and date that the story takes place in instead of the inciting incident if it’s a Period Piece script.

All stories don’t follow this logline template. Biopics, documentaries, and Experimental scripts might not follow the template. The series logline for a TV show can follow this template, but the pilot logline and episode loglines for the show might not.

Thanks! Guess who only last week heard of loglines… :-D

You're welcome, @Ville. Writing loglines gets easier with practice in my experience.