Great title, Neftali Rivera. I can tell this is suspenseful.

I think your logline needs some work. It's better to tell what happens in a logline than use a question.

Here’s a logline template that might help: After/when ______ (the inciting incident/event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (the main flaw the protagonist has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality) _______ (the protagonist’s job/career/role) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes).

The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: A _______ (the main flaw the protagonist has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality) _______ (the protagonist’s job/career/role) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes) after/when ______ (the inciting incident/event that sets the plot in motion).

Loglines are one or two sentences. A one-sentence logline sounds better, and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it. Try to keep your logline to 35 words or less. Long loglines can make producers, directors, etc. pass on a project.

Avoid using “must” in loglines. “Must” usually means the protagonist is forced to do whatever they need to do in the story instead of doing it willingly. You might need to use “must” in a logline though, like when the protagonist is forced by another character to do something. Using “must” to choose between two options is fine.

Names in loglines are usually for biopics, well-known stories, and franchises (like Mission: Impossible).

Sometimes I put the location and date that the story takes place in instead of the inciting incident if it’s a Period Piece script.

All stories don’t follow this logline template. Biopics, documentaries, and Experimental scripts might not follow the template. The series logline for a TV show can follow this template, but the pilot logline and episode loglines for the show might not.

Hey Maurice Vaughan I appreciate the feedback! I definitely have a hard time coming up with a concise logline but I did go in and update it after utilizing the template you sent. Thanks again!

You're welcome, Neftali Rivera. Loglines can be tricky. It gets easier to write them with practice in my experience.

Hi Naftali,

Thank you for sharing the script. I noticed that the script is about 17 pages long, which means the film would be approximately 17 minutes—essentially a short film.

To become a full-length feature film, scripts usually need to be between 70–90 pages, roughly translating to 70–90 minutes of runtime.

If you’d like, we can work on expanding the current script: adding new scenes, developing characters, and deepening the plot so it can become a full-length feature film while keeping the suspense and excitement.