Hi Robyn Henderson - I would respectfully consider adding stakes to your logline, and a goal for the protagonists. This may help flesh out an effective logline that can succinctly explain your story. Here's the template that I use. You don't have to follow it exactly but it may help clarify some things.

“After ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes).”

Thank you Leonardo Ramirez 2 for taking time to give me that feedback. I am most grateful and will take that on board. I will revise the logline I have. May I check the procedure with Stage 32?

Once I adjust the current logline, do I delete the old one and put it as a new one, maybe with a different title.

Or do I just create a new revised logline and leave the old one up there today?

No rush whenever you have time to answer will be most appreciated.

Hello Robyn Henderson! I would just edit the old one and update it. Thanks for connecting!

Thanks Leonardo - that is on my to do list today. I am gradually learning how to do stuff on Stage 32. Have a great week.

Thanks Grant "Wiggy" Wiggins for your support.

Hi, Robyn. What you have here is an intriguing storyline. Could you remove names of your characters from your logline .

Great work

The concept of a con man trying to marry an heiress before his past catches up with him sounds like a solid thriller setup.

At the moment the logline feels a bit crowded because several characters and details are introduced (Jake, Maggie, Jackie, Sam), which makes it harder to see the central conflict. Loglines usually work best when they focus on one protagonist, the inciting incident, the goal, and the stakes in one or two sentences.

For example:

– Protagonist: a con man

– Inciting incident: he meets a philanthropic heiress

– Goal: marry her

– Stakes: someone from his past could expose him before the wedding

Names are often unnecessary unless they add something distinctive, and phrases like “criminal con man” or “the clock is ticking” seem redundant.

You might end up with something closer to:

When a charming con man targets a philanthropic heiress for marriage, the arrival of a man who once shared a prison cell with him threatens to expose his true identity before the wedding day gives him access to her fortune.

Phil thank you so much for taking the time to make a constructive comment and suggestions. I will take those onboard.

Phil Leasure, as you will see I took your suggestions literally. I hope that was okay. As a novice I am so grateful for experienced members of Stage 32 sharing their knowledge. Please let me know if that was not okay to copy verbatim. Thank you.