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MERCHANTS LAMP
By Davin Gomez
SYNOPSIS:
Claudel is a pious man, a merchant of modest means who sells apples and hard bread to the hungry residents of his weathered town For the little coin he can gain. He was not the sort to stick out. He moved with the shepherds flock, the beliefs of his forefathers planted in his youth. On the day of a raging storm, a ghostly figure appeared before him—a woman, old and frail. A simple beggar... or so she seemed. Observing the warts and moles that covered her blemished body he turned her away, wanting nothing to do with someone who didn't have the coin to spend, or worse— a presumed witch. When he refuses her a small act of kindness, the old woman "curses" him: to forever keep the flame of his lamp lit, for if it were to smolder and die, so would he. believing himself doomed, his life encased within a waning fire, he slowly spirals into madness and paranoia. losing himself to his human instinct for survival. Desperate to keep the flame alive. He would do anything to feed it.
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2 people like this
Your story really stuck with me. It reminded me a bit of Beauty and the Beast, especially the symbolic curse and the flame, like the enchanted rose. There's something deeply mythic and tragic in Claudel's journey, and the imagery is very evocative.
Beautiful work — keep writing!
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2 people like this
MERCHANTS LAMP sounds interesting, @Davin! What really got my attention is "tossed into the depths of madness as superstitious beliefs plauge his mind."
I suggest adding an adjective for the merchant (the main flaw he has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes his personality). It'll give the reader more insight into his character.
I also suggest adding the merchant's goal in the logline.
Something like: After a pious merchant in the late 15th century is tossed into the depths of madness, _______ (goal) to/so/in order to _______ (stakes).
Or this: After a witch curses him, a pious merchant in the late 15th century spirals into madness and paranoia, forcing him to _______ (goal) to/so/in order to _______ (stakes).
3 people like this
I was already set to continue reading it like a novel. It's catchy and very appealing for readers, a movie would do more justice to this piece
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