THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
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CRASH DUMMY
By Tyray Fowlkes
When his self-driving cars malfunction and kill people, a tech genius must uncover a sinister conspiracy before it sparks a national crisis.
SYNOPSIS:
ACT ONE: The story begins with a devastating car crash in 1998 involving ten-year-old Caroui and his father, Miles, driving under the influence. Both survive but are left with deep scars. Fast forward 25 years—Miles is imprisoned, and Caroui, now a successful businessman, showcases his self-driving car, “LECTRA,” at the International Auto Show. He invites the public to experience the LECTRA during a test drive event.
During a crucial meeting with Paul and Tom, Caroui reluctantly provides vehicle plans to secure a government contract, unaware of Paul’s betrayal as he secretly hands Tom another drive.
After a successful test drive event, Caroui notices one car behaving strangely and requests an investigation.
ACT TWO: Chaos erupts when a test-drive car kills a participant's friend. Caroui discovers a vehicle that mysteriously leaves his lot and begins stalking Mary Ward, another participant. Together, they uncover that the cars are controlled by an AI device through the 5G network.
Determined to stop the chaos, Caroui plans to destroy the nearest 5G tower. He receives help from Seglenda, a test-drive winner whose vehicle remains unaffected as the trio escapes the rampaging cars.
Tensions rise as Caroui learns Paul has betrayed him by giving Tom Mackenzie the mobility codes with full access to the cars.
ACT THREE: Caroui discovers that Miles orchestrated the car control scheme from prison, collaborating with Tom for freedom. Shockingly, he learns Seglenda is his long-lost mother, believed dead.
In the climax, Caroui crashes into a 5G tower to disable the AI network, leading to dire consequences. Tom kills Paul and kidnaps Miles as they escape on a Sonic Train in a secret underground tunnel, which collapses behind them. Although Caroui faces arrest, he is released due to government protection under his contract.
By the end, Caroui gains a deeper appreciation for family and faith. The story closes with the original evil car activating and driving away, leaving the audience to contemplate the dangers of AI technology.
FINALIST - (2024) The Southern California Screenplay Competition
CRASH DUMMY
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Awards
Finalist, Crash Dummy - The Southern California Screenplay Competition 2024 - https://www.facebook.com/share/1D81bX3rQd/
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I love "When his self-driving cars start malfunctioning and killing passengers, a tech genius must". But I feel like the last part tells us what we already know. We already know that 'cars killing people' is a crisis, and we assume he's going to have to confront it. I think you have a great opportunity to squeeze something in here that we don't yet know. Something super intriguing, if possible.
Kathryn Zizek Let me know what you think of the revision. :)
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You're going to hate me for all my unsolicited advice, but I can't lie. I think it's close, however: "hidden dangers of AI" - the dangers seem obvious and not hidden at all (killer cars). Maybe: "the dark secrets lurking within his own code" or "the sinister truth behind the glitch". Something a bit clearer. Could also up the stakes: "before it goes global" - because maybe it's already national? I don't know the full story, sorry. I could be missing the point.
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Kathryn Zizek I think sinister truth behind the glitch could work. No, I love unsolicited advice. Thank you! :)
I'm no expert but I think what you have now is a great logline. The protagonist, stakes, conflict and goal are all clear. And it's intriguing because we all love a conspiracy.
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Tyray Fowlkes Tyray, this is a strong, high-concept premise with clear commercial appeal. The idea of self-driving cars turning deadly, combined with a personal connection to the protagonist’s past, creates both external stakes and emotional depth. It has a cinematic feel and taps into timely fears around AI and technology.
The logline is clean and engaging, though it could hint at what makes the conspiracy unique to help it stand out from other tech-thriller concepts.
The synopsis is ambitious and packed with ideas, but at times feels overcrowded with plot points and twists. Streamlining the narrative and focusing on the most impactful emotional and story beats would improve clarity and pacing. Some reveals particularly the family twists feel abrupt and could benefit from stronger setup.
Overall, a compelling and marketable concept with strong genre potential that would benefit from a more focused and cohesive presentation.
Abhijeet Aade thank you so much. I really appreciate your take on my project. I've done so many drafts so I will definitely take everything into consideration.
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