THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
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TWO FATES
By Lori Peters
SYNOPSIS:
TWO FATES In 1977 Lodi, California, respected Cadillac dealer Lou Peters expectedly pulled into the world of organized crime when the Bonanno Mafia family attempts to purchase his dealership for millions in cash. Instead of walking away, Lou contacts the FBI and agrees to work undercover, risking everything to help bring down one of America’s most powerful crime bosses, Joseph Bonanno Sr.. At the same time, Lou’s thirteen-year-old daughter Lori faces a different kind of danger—one no one around her can see. Raised without religion, Lori’s understanding of God comes only from a childhood reassurance after her cat died: that heaven is a happy place. When friends insist the Rapture has begun, she has no framework to question it. Terrified that the world may end at any moment—and that failing God could mean eternal damnation—Lori quietly carries a fear she cannot share. As Lou navigates mob meetings, hidden cameras, and constant FBI surveillance, Lori battles a private psychological terror she believes is inescapable. Father and daughter move through separate but parallel worlds—one fighting organized crime, the other confronting an unseen apocalypse. Lou’s courage ultimately helps bring down Bonanno. But victory comes at a devastating cost: soon after testifying, Lou is diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. Years later, Lori fulfills the promise she made—to ensure the world knows the hero her father truly was.
TWO FATES
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Thank you, Marcos!!
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Hi Lori. Really cool story but the logline doesn't quite deliver the hook. Where does the mob boss takedown and the daughter connect? What are the stakes for the protagonist if they don't take down the mob boss or the rapture happens? Is there something standing in the way of the protagonist's goals? A logline should have certain elements:
Protagonist (who the story follows)
Inciting Incident / Hook (what disrupts their world)
Goal (what they must do)
Antagonistic Force (who or what opposes them)
Stakes (what happens if they fail)
Irony / Unique Hook (what makes it fresh or compelling)
Keep writing and good luck.
Rated this logline
Lori Peters This is a powerful and emotionally layered true story—the parallel between the father’s external danger and the daughter’s internal struggle really stands out.
The concept feels unique, especially blending a crime narrative with a psychological coming-of-age element. You might consider tightening the logline a bit for clarity and impact, as the core idea is very strong.
Overall, it has strong dramatic potential and a meaningful emotional core.
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Thank you all for your comments:)