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THE LEVIATHAN
By Marcel Nault Jr.
In Albany, New York, a reclusive detective, haunted by a lifetime of betrayal and loss, is forced back into action to solve a religiously motivated murder before a relentless killer sparks a wave of violence that threatens the city, and his sanity.
SYNOPSIS:
Pilot (Episode I): "The Beginning of All Things"
In the eerie town of Colonie in Albany County, New York, a young woman's brutal murder at an abandoned brewery sets off a chilling investigation. Detective Randall Shaw, recently bereaved after his wife Sarah's death, is reluctantly drawn back into the force by his former colleagues. As he grapples with his unresolved grief, Randall is partnered with the sharp and determined Det. Emma Markowicz and the laid-back Det. Barry Jenkins. The trio uncovers disturbing religious symbols linked to the murder, revealing a possible ritualistic motive that resonates with Randall's personal struggles.
As they delve deeper into the case, tensions rise within the team, exposing their emotional vulnerabilities. Randall's nightmares about his wife's death resurface, complicating his judgment as he confronts the haunting parallels between his past and the victim's fate. Their investigation leads them to the Crooked Tiger Club, where they encounter cryptic clues and unsettling connections to powerful figures, including Sarah's ex-boyfriend, Terry McCormick.
Amidst the chaos, Randall receives a mysterious phone call hinting at darker truths tied to the case. The pilot explores themes of grief, redemption, and the haunting specter of the past as Randall navigates the treacherous waters of a murder investigation that intertwines with his own trauma.
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you should write at a hint of a resolution does he make it or not?
I haven't thought about that Kevin, thanks.
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I feel like you can leave out the emotionally damaged part because the killings reflect his traumatic past. It's like putting the same information in twice, but I'd definitely watch this.
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I like it. Very compelling. I do not think it is too long at all. Any longer, and yeah, it would have been. Great job in my opinion. I'd watch.
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Great logline!
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As we are rating the log line and not the story, the log line is a bit long. It could use some editing, for example: After a murder in a small community, a detective is assigned to apprehend the killer whose MO suggests all too familiar motives of a childhood trauma that demands resolution, too.
The synopsis needs editing also, for example: In the hospital waiting room, Barry watches news reports that include speculations about the case; Randall receives a phone call from the killer.
Your version: It's nighttime. We see what's left of the derelict Stone Brewing Co., situated on the border of the Mohawk River, in Colonie (Albany County); a once-proud center of Albany's finest brewery back in the day. In the lobby area, shrouded in darkness except for a few rays of sunlight, one of the windows is peculiarly tainted in red. A young woman, unidentified as of yet, is hanged in the center, wearing a white nightgown, with her intestines ripped from her stomach and blood running down her knees. Below her suspended feet (and on the right wall adjacent to her), religious symbols are drawn in blood. The scene makes one's skin crawl.
Edited version: The body of an unidentified woman is found hanging in the foyer of a now-defunct brewery, dressed in a white nightgown, blood dripping from a disembowelment. Below her, religious symbols are drawn in blood.Rated this logline
Jenean McBrearty I'll definitely take that into consideration. Thank you Jenean!
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I will defer to the people here with the constructive and fantastic feedback. As far as the story is concerned, I'm in. I didn't even finish the first full sentence of the teaser and I would have added this to my Netflix or Prime list. It's the dark side in me, I guess.
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I a;lways enjoy a murder mystery and this sounds like a good one. I agree with Jeanan that the synopsis may be a little too long.
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Certainly makes me want to know more.
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I'd definitely watch this, Marcel Nault Jr.! I think the other thing your logline is missing is the stakes.
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