I like the title and I would watch this, C. Jensen, but I think your logline needs some work. Here’s a logline template that might help:

“After ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes).”

Loglines are one or two sentences (a one-sentence logline sounds better and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it). You can add the antagonist in the logline.

The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: “A _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes) after ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion).”

Avoid using names in a logline (unless it's a Biopic or a famous story -- like a fairy tale). Use an adjective and the protagonist's position/role instead of a name.

Avoid using “must” in loglines because “must” sounds like the protagonist is forced to do whatever the goal of the story is (instead of the protagonist doing it willingly), and “must” doesn’t sound active. Audrey Knox (a TV literary manager) also said this during a logline review webinar on Stage 32 (https://www.stage32.com/webinars/The-Write-Now-Challenge-The-Logline-Rev...). Instead of using “must,” use “attempts to,” “fights to,” “struggles to,” “strives to,” “sets out to,” “fights,” “battles,” “engages in,” “participates,” “competes,” etc.

Example #1:

“After a group of dog criminals arrives in a small town, an impulsive dog sheriff defends a dog treat factory so they won’t steal food that’s meant for hungry dog families.”

Example #2:

“A dysfunctional couple works together to survive against bears after they crash on an abandoned road miles from help.”

NOTE: Not all stories will follow this logline template. Biopics, documentaries, and Experimental scripts might not follow this template. The overall logline for a TV show might not follow this template, but the logline for an episode in the show could.

Hey Maurice Vaughan. I really appreciate the input. This is the furthest I've gone in trying to structure one of my ideas when putting pen to paper. Usually it's just random scenes, some character descriptions and a bunch of other messy stuff.

When I wrote the current logline I just felt the need to make it as informal as possible, and I probably went a bit off scope as to what a logline should be.

Would something like " After losing his job and getting dumped, a depressed Norwegian packs his bags and moves to NYC, where he tries to find success, happiness and the meaning of life." be better?

You're welcome, C. Jensen. The logline is better. I think it still needs some work though. Here's a logline suggestion: "After losing his job and getting dumped, a desperate Norwegian moves to NYC to chase his dreams, but he's met with depression, cultural differences, and embarrassing situations."

Or this logline: "After losing his job and getting dumped, a desperate Norwegian moves to NYC to chase his dreams, but he finds that his new life is filled with depression, cultural differences, and embarrassing situations."

Thanks for rating and giving feedback guys. That gives me extra motivation to keep on working with the project