THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES

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HOOKERS, VIDEO & CHEAP MOTELS, OR: HOW TO SAVE A MARRIAGE
By David Bardos

GENRE: Comedy
LOGLINE:

A big-time investment banker facing lengthy jail time for a crime he didn't commit, embarks on a wildly adventurous mission in Watts to get himself killed for insurance money, while his mild-mannered housewife, believing Bart is being debaucherous, goes undercover as a prostitute to track him down.

SYNOPSIS:

Bart Freedle, 50, wealthy and an obsessive workaholic, has been ignoring his wife and kids while being a high-profile investment banker. Colleen Freedle, Bart's passive housewife, has meekly accepted their lack of intimacy and communication in this lifeless marriage.

As the SEC raids his work office one day, Bart discovers he has been meticulously framed by his employer for a multi-million dollar Ponzi scheme, almost all his assets are frozen and he's looking at a lengthy jail time. Completely devastated, Bart figures the only way to redeem his life is to get himself killed for a big insurance payoff for his family. Unfortunately, Bart discovers suicide is not a payout option and has only several days left before he’s indicted.

After a night of heavy drinking and battling depression, Bart hails a taxi with a hilarious Hindi driver, Johnny, as they make their way to the ghetto of South Central, L.A.

With his last fifty thousand cash in hand, Bart’s on a mission to get himself killed. In Bart's mind, what should be an easy job turns into a comedy of errors. No matter how hard he tries, he cannot convince any of the street thugs to kill him with his stash of cash in hand for the taking. Bart's overenthusiasm have the gang bangers convinced he must be part of a police undercover sting operation - Bait Cab. Driver Johnny, scared out of his mind, hightails it down the street while Bart passes out in the cab from drinking.

Colleen, unaware of everything happening to Bart, and trusting Brandi’s judgement, believes Bart must be having an affair. Colleen meets Brandi’s friend, Tim, a recent college grad, who is smitten with Colleen.

Back in Watts, Bart wakes up next morning in a garage and meets Kindred, an ex-prostitute with an endearing, gap-toothed smile and a ton of personality and charm. Bart offers kindred money to help him get killed.

Kindred, on Bart’s cell phone, dials up a friend – Mad Dog – who frequents the seedy Motel 69. Colleen, suspicious, eyes Bart’s cellphone call log on her laptop, dials the number and discovers it leads to the motel.

Comedy ensues as Bart, Kindred, Colleen and Tim all make their way to Motel 69. Colleen goes undercover as a prostitute, convinced Bart is frequenting hookers, neither aware the other is there. Bart tries unsuccesfully to get Kindred's friend, Mad Dog, to kill him. Turns out he's actually a floral designer.

Colleen spots Bart with Kindred in the parking lot, freaks out and gets stoned with Tim in their motel room bed. Tim wants to mess around, Colleen doesn't. A well-blazed Colleen then decides to make her way around the motel, knocking on doors, looking to bust Bart, only to get arrested in an undercover prostitute sting operation.

Kindred, who is secretly trying to help save Bart's life, brings him over to meet her family and special-needs brother. After seeing Kindred's money-less family share the love that they have for each other, hearing how tough it was for Kindred to grow up without a dad, and having a mystical experience under the Watts Towers that night, Bart has an epiphany: He realizes there is more to life than money and now wants to fight for his life and prove his innocence.

Colleen, now out of jail, catches wind of Bennett's big Malibu mansion shindig and heads on over with Brandi to see if Bart is there. Bart's undercover in hip hop attire while Colleen struts her ho-outfit, each unaware of the other’s presence. And, if that's not enough, Kindred's menacing ex-pimp, Wallace, has been secretly tailing Kindred to get his money owed from Kindred. All of them infiltrate the big Malibu party as they comedically maneuver amongst the socialites, each with their own agendas.

Using her street skills as a prostitute, Kindred gets invited into Bennett's bedroom. He thinks sex. She handcuffs him to the bed and gets hold of his laptop in his wall safe, which contains information to exonerate Bart while implicating Bennett. Uh-oh, in walks Wallace to threaten Kindred, only to be outdone by Bart walking in with gun in hand. Guns pointed at each other, Bart does an epic, Dirty Harry impersonation. Wallace doesn’t call his bluff and leaves.

Back at the party outside, Colleen runs into Bart and Kindred. Kindred explains everything to an incredulous Colleen.

Fast forward: Bart and Colleen walk hand in hand on the beach. Bart expresses to Colleen that he now understands that family, not money, is the key to happiness. Colleen relays that she's discovered a newfound confidence to fully express herself. Their love has returned, stronger than ever.

And, all it took was the help and insight from an ex-hooker, a weed-smoking, college grad and a cheap motel.

Marcos Fizzotti

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