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THE NEUTRAL AMERICAN
By Jake Rutigliano
After losing his parents in the sinking of the Lusitania, a young American must fight for his country during World War I.
SYNOPSIS:
On May 1st, 1915, 15-year-old pacifist Richard Buxton boards the RMS Lusitania with his family and servants, who are travelling in first class. His younger brother Mason befriends a boy in third class, his sister Calliope falls for a boy in second class, and Richard meets a girl in his own class by the name of Noisette. Eventually, they fall in love, but disaster strikes when, on May 7th, the ship is struck by a torpedo, flooding the lower compartments past their "unsinkable" capacity and causing the ship to sink. After Lusitania founders, Richard is heartbroken to realize that his parents and Noisette are among the lost and the only surviving members of his family are himself, Calliope, Mason and their servants.
The Buxton kids are taken in by their grandparents in England where they will spend the next three years until Richard claims his father's estate. Richard firmly believes in peace and doesn't wish to join the army. However, in 1917, America joins the war and Richard has no other choice. He soon befriends some soldiers, participates many battles and ends up taken as a prisoner of war when his tank is captured by German soldiers. There, Richard learns that not all Germans are bad.
When the war ends, the Buxtons return home.
THE NEUTRAL AMERICAN
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Hey, Jake Rutigliano. This sounds like the start of a great idea. I think your logline needs more information. Here’s a logline template that might help:
“After ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to _______ (goal of story) so ________ (stakes).”
Loglines are one or two sentences (a one-sentence logline sounds better and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it). You can add the antagonist in the logline. The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline.
Avoid using names in a logline (unless it's a Biopic or a famous story -- like a fairy tale). Use an adjective and the protagonist's position/role instead of a name.
Avoid using “must” in loglines because “must” sounds like the protagonist is forced to do whatever the goal of the story is (instead of the protagonist doing it willingly), and “must” doesn’t sound active. Audrey Knox (a TV literary manager) also said this during a logline review webinar on Stage 32 (https://www.stage32.com/webinars/The-Write-Now-Challenge-The-Logline-Rev...). Instead of using “must,” use “attempts to,” “fights to,” “struggles to,” “strives to,” “sets out to,” “fights,” “battles,” “engages in,” “participates,” “competes,” etc.
Example #1:
“After a group of dog criminals arrives in a small town, an impulsive dog sheriff defends a dog treat factory so they won’t steal food that’s meant for hungry dog families.”
Example #2:
“A dysfunctional couple works together to survive against bears after they crash on an abandoned road miles from help.”
NOTE: Not all stories will follow this logline template. Biopics, documentaries, and Experimental scripts might not follow this template. The overall logline for a TV show might not follow this template, but the logline for an episode in the show could.
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