THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
Post your loglines. Get and give feedback.
13 TRAINS
By Rob Lindsay
When the small town cops can't find his dad's killer, a timid, intelligent young boy begins the dangerous hunt himself, risking his life to discover the shocking answer – his stepfather is the killer.
SYNOPSIS:
Peter, 14, was crushed when his father was murdered outside a convenience store in their small Southern waterside town. Eighteen months later, when there has been no suspect found, he decides to take matters in his own hands.
His new step-dad, recently retired from the army, is very different from his father, and they spark, despite attempts to bond.
Peter begins to suspect his step-dad and when his older brother James is killed in an accident, his suspicions grow. Enlisting the aid of an older boy from across the tracks and a sympathetic detective, Peter creates a trap for his step-dad which ends in a struggle for his life.
13 TRAINS
View screenplay
Register / Log In
Rated this logline
2 people like this
Intriguing title, @Rob. A movie about a young boy hunting down a killer is going to be gripping, suspenseful, and chaotic!
I suggest adding an adjective for the boy (the main flaw he has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes his personality). It'll give the reader more insight into his character.
I also suggest revealing the shocking answer in the logline. I think it'll catch the attention of producers, investors, and actors more.
Something like: When the small-town cops can't find his dad's killer, a reckless young boy begins the dangerous hunt himself, risking his life to discover the shocking answer/truth -- his step-dad killed his father.
2 people like this
Maurice -- thank you -- great notes! I will edit the LL today. And how did you know it was the stepdad :)?
1 person likes this
You're welcome, @Rob. The last paragraph of the synopsis. Done right, I think it could be a big twist.
Rated this logline
1 person likes this
Rob Lindsay as Maurice Vaughan suggests adding the adjective for the boy describing his personality like his main flaw that he has to overcome. Great and intriguing title 13 Trains too.
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
Rated this logline
Rated this logline