THE STAGE 32 LOGLINES
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SIN EATER (ABDUCTION)
By Kelvin Matafu
SYNOPSIS:
Lara had noticed the change in him – the late nights, the distant gaze, the whispers on the phone. Her husband, Alex, was hiding something. For two years, she'd searched for answers, following him, snooping through his phone, asking mutual friends if they'd noticed anything. And then, she found her – the woman in the photograph, laughing with Alex at a café. Lara's anger simmered into a plan. She hired a kidnapper, a shady guy with a reputation for getting jobs done. "Bring him to me," she said, handing over the photograph. "Don't hurt him." The kidnapper, Jake, studied the photo, his eyes narrowing. He recognized the woman. It was his wife, Emma. Jake's world spun. Emma had been acting strange lately, and he'd suspected infidelity. Now, he knew. He texted Lara, arranging a meeting. When she arrived, he revealed the truth: "Your husband's having an affair – with my wife." Lara's eyes widened. Jake's anger mirrored hers. Together, they concocted a plan. They'd confront their spouses, expose the truth. But as they waited, something shifted. Jake's rage turned to sadness. Lara's anger turned to hurt. When Alex and Emma arrived, bound and gagged, Lara and Jake had a choice. Punish them, or end the charade. In the end, they chose neither. They let them go, with a warning: "Leave, and never come back." As the dust settled, Lara and Jake shared a nod. They'd both been played. But they'd found something else – a strange, twisted solidarity.
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Hi, Kelvin Matafu. Your concept sounds interesting (especially the twist -- "it turns out that the kidnapper is the husband to the mistress"), but I think your logline needs some work. Here’s a logline template that might help:
“After ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes).”
Loglines are one or two sentences (a one-sentence logline sounds better and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it). You can add the antagonist in the logline.
The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: “A _______ (an adjective and the protagonist's position/role) tries to _______ (goal of story) so/in order to ________ (stakes) after ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion).”
Avoid using names in a logline (unless it's a Biopic or a famous story -- like a fairy tale). Use an adjective and the protagonist's position/role instead of a name.
Avoid using “must” in loglines because “must” sounds like the protagonist is forced to do whatever the goal of the story is (instead of the protagonist doing it willingly), and “must” doesn’t sound active. Audrey Knox (a TV literary manager) also said this during a logline review webinar on Stage 32 (https://www.stage32.com/webinars/The-Write-Now-Challenge-The-Logline-Rev...). Instead of using “must,” use “attempts to,” “fights to,” “struggles to,” “strives to,” “sets out to,” “fights,” “battles,” “engages in,” “participates,” “competes,” etc.
Example #1:
“After a group of dog criminals arrives in a small town, an impulsive dog sheriff defends a dog treat factory so they won’t steal food that’s meant for hungry dog families.”
Example #2:
“A dysfunctional couple works together to survive against bears after they crash on an abandoned road miles from help.”
NOTE: Not all stories will follow this logline template. Biopics, documentaries, and Experimental scripts might not follow this template. The pilot logline and episode loglines for a TV show might not follow this template, but the series logline could.
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1 person likes this
Maurice than you
You're welcome, Kelvin Matafu.
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