“Dark bedroom. It’s quiet except for the rain dancing on the roof.”
What’s the next action line? Someone post it in the comments, then another member jump in with the next line, then the next. Let’s see where the scene leads.
Screenwriting : Write the Next Action Line by Maurice Vaughan
Write the Next Action Line
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Her eyes flutter open. Ill-prepared for another crappy day, she pours from the bed and hangs her head. A BLOODY SCREAM from the kitchen snaps her awake.
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A puppy guards the baby in the cradle. A half open door... outside, a windless river.
UPSTREAM
A dam breaks.
BEDROOM
The baby sticks her thumb into the mouth.
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A creaky hinge perks the puppy's ears, the door opens.
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A Zombie bursts through with half of it´s face missing.
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SHE
John, knock it off with that mask. I'm not in the mood, and Halloween isn't for six months.
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The puppy(a pitbull mix who is yet to fully realize his own strength), growls and barks at the zombie, teeth glistening under the moonlight while the zombie lurches forward.
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SHE
Down, boy. It's just my idiot husband.
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Her husband rolls his eyes and takes off the mask, patting the dog's head.
HE
What's got you so riled up lately?
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Before she can read him The Riot Act, the Baby EXPLODES.
Baby bits, blood and viscera dribbles from the walls and ceiling.
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She, He, and the Dog turn into Full-On Zombies when Their 3 kids Get home from School.
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LIVING ROOM
Tito SLAMS the door open. Janet and Jermaine, frazzled stand behind him pushing their way through the door.
TITO
Dad! Mom! The dam burst! We only have minutes before/
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A horde of zombies floods into the room, lips frothing as they lumber towards the family.
Janet
Tito, get behind me!
Jermaine cocks his shotgun, a boyish grin on his face
JERMAINE
Looks like I got my wish!
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They pull themselves up from the floor, shake their heads.
Dust and debris swirls in the air.
HE
What happened. I passed out.
SHE
Me too. I hallucinated we had three kids named after the Jackson family siblings. There was a shotgun, and when they got home we all turned into zombies ... that stupid mask.
(points)
But what about Clydina?
A humongous hole in the wall. Rain flies in.
HE
You didn't let put her put her thumb in her mouth? Did you?
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She freezes.
SHE
She said it helped with her anxiety.
He freezes, eyes widening.
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HE
You forgot about the trietramamethylinebenzodichromate I dipped it in. Evidently, it also caused an infant to speak to you.
There's a KNOCK at what's left of the door.
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She looks at the door, reaching for a kitchen knife.
SHE
You answer it.
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HE
No. You.
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It's the NEIGHBOR. He peaks through the window. He's wearing a bowler hat and smoking a pipe.
NEIGHBOR
Pardon me sir, would you have any trietramamethylinebenzodichromate ?
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The wife looks at the neighbor, then at her husband.
SHE
Maybe.
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She fires the knife at him. It misses by a cat's whisker.
The neighbor is overrun by nunchuck wielding ninja assassin MONKEYS.
THE MONKEYS
Trietramamethylinebenzodichromate! Trietramamethylinebenzodichromate! Trietramamethylinebenzodichromate!
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SHE
Shit!
He grabs her arm and reels her back, dashing towards a back room.
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A monstrous MONKEY KING stomps in the midst of the pouncing monkeys. They all freeze at his appearance. He's wearing a crown and human underwear.
They freeze in their tracks and turn.
MONKEY KINGI am Frank of the Monkey Kingdom.
He paces with his hands clasped behind his back.
He waves off the monkeys. They bow.
MONKEY KING
Do you know why I am here?
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Frank dons the dear departed Neighbor's Bowler and tokes on his re-lit pipe.
SHE
Duh! Your monkeys want the trietramamethylinebenzodichromate.
A chorus of GUTTURAL MONKEY SOUNDS runs through the horde.
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Frank nods and wades deeper into the room.
MONKEY KING
Correct. Though, do you know why we need it?
The couple looks at each other. Both are perplexed and bewildered.
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Defiant, she steps up to him.
SHE
Look, King Kong, you can buy a depilatory cream at any Walgreens.
Frank snorts in her face.
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and then, a tought occurred in my mind. Maybe I'm the one not home.
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MONKEY KING
The deluge is upon us. And like eons before, we ruled the earth. And yes, I've heard your stories but they pale in comparison to the empire that our kingdom once was. And it shall. rise. again. Only with the supply of what you call trietramamethylinebenzodichromate can our young survive the deluge upon us. What you call trietramamethylinebenzodichromate, we call the "spice".
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She shivers.
SHE
What the hell! I'm hearing voices now?
HE
Too much trietramamethylinebenzodichromate.
The Monkeys take a step forward.
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MONKEY KING
You dare address a monarch in such a way?
He summons a set of monkey guards around him, unibrow furrowing as he watches them loom over the couple.
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They form a line. The Monkey King takes a step in front of them. He grabs his bowler hat, tips his left foot and goes into a song and dance.
MONKEY KING
Hello my baby, Hello my Honey, hello my ragtime gal!
Send me a kiss by wire, baby my heart's on fire!
If you refuse me, honey you'll lose me, then you'll be left alone, oh baby
Telephone and tell me I'm your own!
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She yawns.
SHE
Monarch, schmonarch. Watch it or you'll get a banana ... but not in your mouth. Spice? What is this ... Arrakis?
HE
I hate that song!
He withdraws a vial of trietramamethylinebenzodichromate and threatens to chuck it at the ground.
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MONKEY KING
(threatening)
I provided respect when I entered your home. I would only expect the same in return.
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She slaps Frank. He beats his chest and ROARS. The Monkeys shrink back.
SHE
Hey! There's some biplanes waiting for you atop the Empire State Building.
(to Hubby)
Do it. Throw the vial.
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He throws the vial, only for the Monkey King to catch it and crush it in his hand.
MONKEY KING
(angry)
I will not tolerate such disrespect.
He ambles towards the couple, growling and gnashing his teeth.
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Frank grasps it too Tight. The vial CRUNCHES in his hand.
WHHHOOOOMMMMMPPPPPPPFFFF.
When the dust settles, they're all on the "Three's Company" set.
Mr Furley (Don Knotts) coughs as he stumbles in.
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How about tightening the original sentence? The dark bedroom is quiet except for the sound of the rain dancing on the roof. (That gets rid of the lazy "it's."
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Mr. Furley trips on a box and runs into Jack Tripper. Jack tumbles to the floor.
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Gravity does its thing, dictates a lip-lock between Furley and Jack. Furley's dentures get nervous, becoming loose against Jack's gums.
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Frank's ROAR chills the soul.
FRANK
I want Suzanne Somers back!
THE MONKEYS
Suzanne! Suzanne! Suzanne!
Frank motions the minions to attack Jack and Furley. They creep toward them.
SHE
(Hubby)
How do we get outta this?
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The scream from THE MONKEYS wakes Up GODZILLA who is swimming fast towards them. He stops at the shore and rises up giving us his famous Scream shaking nature to a standstill.
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Then I heard it, in the hallway, the cocking of a gun.
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Godzilla Freezes and blows electric fire turning The Gun Man To cinders. And Then, Godzilla turns his gaze at THE MONKEYS who all drop their Banannas with fear etched on their faces. And then...
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JANET WOOD (Joyce Dewitt) storms in and threatens with a big ass pistol.
JANET
Suzanne left to visit her mom and never came back. I didn’t ask questions. I figured she either joined a cult or became one.
He rifles through his pockets, finds a vial.
HE
Enough!
He flings the vial of trietramamethylinebenzodichromate at a fake, set wall.
WHHHOOOOMMMMMPPPPPPPFFFF.
A cloud of smoke clears.
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Thanks for adding action lines, everyone! I wanted to point out two things:
1. Everyone has a different writing style. That's one of the great things about writing!
2. If you write scripts alone, think about getting a writing partner for a script. You two can build off each other's ideas, and a writing partner might come up with things you don't think about and vice versa.
You're welcome to keep adding action lines.
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That is a great idea Maurice Vaughan
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Thanks, Mark Deuce.