Hello all,
I've been working hard on my logline and synopsis for my feature. I would love to hear any thoughts or critisism anyone might have.
TITLE: Pork Rind
GENRE: Psychological Horror/Crime Psycho meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
LOGLINE: In a gritty urban landscape, the lives of a struggling single mother, a man haunted by his past, a tough elderly woman, and two dedicated veteran detectives collide as they track a cannibalistic serial killer who hunts and skins young boys alive.
SYNOPSIS: In a low-income apartment, a sadistic serial killer lurks in the shadows. Holding young boys captive. The unseen slayer rips their skin from their tender bodies before hacking them to pieces. Each victim’s head kept and displayed as a macabre trophy. Sinister posters of missing children adorn the walls of the decrepit building. A constant reminder of the terror that consumes the residents. Connie and Elise, the mothers of the latest victims, turn to the caring matriarch, Miss Barbara. A pillar of support. She provides homemade pork rinds and warm stew for sustenance, but more importantly, a shoulder to cry on. She knows the crushing agony these women are facing. For ten years ago, her own son, Carl, vanished without a trace and her heart still aches with the pain of his absence. Meanwhile, seasoned Detectives Harper and Selleck have been working the disappearances. Questioning suspect after suspect. Chasing leads, day and night, an effort to rescue the innocent victims from a fate worse than death. Damon, a young troublemaking resident, hears screams emanating from Miss Barbara’s apartment. Without hesitation, he rushes to investigate and discovers a trapdoor leading to a hidden room. His blood runs cold as he comes face to face with the notorious butcher: none other than Miss Barbara herself. The horrifying truth dawns on him. She was murdering young boys to make her legendary pork rinds and stew. The same coveted meal often shared with unsuspecting neighbors. A deadly showdown between the detectives and Miss Barbara sends shockwaves through the neighborhood. Leaving the once tight-nit community haunted by fear and betrayal.
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What a twist, Tara Sandoval! I think you did a great job on the synopsis for the most part. It says “struggling single mother, a man haunted by his past, a tough elderly woman, and two dedicated veteran detectives” in the logline, but your synopsis doesn’t mention the man who’s haunted by his past. I suggest mentioning him in the synopsis since he’s important enough to be in the logline. And I’m guessing that Miss Barbara is the tough elderly woman. Also, I’m not sure who the struggling single mother is from the synopsis (Connie or Elise).
Your logline says the lives of these characters collide as they track the killer, but I didn’t see anything about that in the synopsis. Also, I’m not sure if “their lives collide” is an interesting enough choice for your logline.
Maybe just focus on the protagonist in the logline, unless it’s an ensemble cast script.
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Hey Tara Sandoval ! I think your concept is really compelling. Mixing psychological horror with crime creates such a strong sense of tension. I love how you've developed the community around the central horror, especially with characters like Connie, Elise, and Miss Barbara—it makes everything feel more personal and emotional. And the twist with Miss Barbara being the killer? That’s so unsettling and adds such a chilling sense of betrayal!
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I agree with both re: the twist and love that you say that they are haunted by "fear and betrayal". As for the log line, maybe say something along the lines of "the lives of three people haunted by the chilling deaths of...collide with 2 detectives as they track down a notorious serial killer". Then in the synopsis, go into more detail about the three characters, their relationship, etc. It sounds very compelling!
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this option is definitely much better.
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You describe extremely well. Just make sure you have enough horror visible. Now it reads a lot like a detective story.
Low income residents plagued by sadistic murders, cherish their invaluable neighbor who serves them pork rind as consolation, soon to discover they’ve been eating their own children.
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Thank you all for your thoughts. It really helped. Maurice Vaughn, I didn't even think about the fact that the man haunted by his past wasn't mentioned in the synopsis. And both Connie and Elise are single mothers. So I will adjust those details so they make better sense.
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You're welcome, Tara Sandoval.
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It's awesome. Your logline certainly builds up a great deal of tension.
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My advide for writing a synopsis is like this.
Write an epistolary short story. Yes, write your story as if you recently was one of the participants in the story. And want to tell your friend what happened. So you tell your friend by sending an email or old fashioned snail mail.
An advantage is that it is comfortable to read. And if there are gaps in your synopsis, you can express yourself in a way which encourages the reader to give some suggestions.
A synopsis written in that way will take about 5 minutes to read. So it is possible to tell a fair number of persons for comments.
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Seems like a lot of characters. I get lost in the logline. Love the detectives Harper (Paul Newman) and Selleck (Magnum). I used Nick Charles in my novella on vampires. LOL.
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P.S. tight-nit S/B tight-knit
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The story, especially who the protagonist, their GOAL and HOW, is getting lost. But that is a hellvua concept.
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Agree with Michael Wormald .Whose story is it and why are they hunting this person? e.g., a single mom struggling to make ends meet takes on a job hunting a cannibalistic serial killer putting her young son in jeopardy of being his next victim. I'm not sure this is your story, but finding a way to get to the tension is more important than trying to include all of the characters or location(s) unless they are part of the main plot.
In down town suburbia a struggling single mom, two gritty pensioners, an introspective man and two detectives pool skillsets to track a cannibal pedophile who skins their victims. (Just my log line two cents.) Need more time to study synopsis.