Five Reasons I Can Tell Your Pilot Has Problems from the First Five Pages

Five Reasons I Can Tell Your Pilot Has Problems from the First Five Pages

You don’t get a second chance to make a first impression.
I read hundreds of pilot scripts every year, most of them written by emerging writers. I teach pilot writing labs here on Stage 32, and I also work as a consultant and producer. Since my job is to give feedback, I give every script a full read (sometimes more than one).
But when you send your script out to a producer or exec who is not being paid for feedback, they can stop reading whenever they feel they’ve seen enough. So the first few pages of your script are crucial. You have to hook your audience. Suck them into your story. And the opening pages are also introducing you as a writer. This should be the best representation of your project as well as your writing skills.
To be honest, I can usually tell the quality of a script in the first five pages. Not necessarily scene one, but the first few scenes.
Here are five common pitfalls that make me concerned that the script may have serious problems. Of course, there are always exceptions, and I am open to being surprised. But it’s hard to undo a first impression.

1.) An opening that is intended to be a visual attention-grabber but does nothing to convey character.
The typical version of this is a scene in which a shadowy figure runs across nondescript dark terrain, a shot rings out, cut to black. Or two unnamed incidental characters coming across something shocking (ex. a dead body).
When a writer doesn’t prioritize introducing unique, layered characters or even showing humans with emotional connection in the first few minutes, my sense is that will not be a priority in the rest of the script either.
In television, character is always first. We connect to characters emotionally. That’s what keeps us watching. Think about a pilot you enjoyed watching a few years ago. Can you remember the plot in detail? Probably not. Can you remember the main characters? I am sure you can.
Prioritize introducing your main or key supporting characters in the first few pages. A lot of great pilots start by putting a main character in a tense, odd, or challenging situation where we can see them at their best or at their worst. A character who is active. Who cares about something and has a lot at stake. Keep in mind, the audience invests most in characters with the most screen time and earliest connection. We do tend to “imprint” on characters from the start. If you can establish a relationship between the audience and a character and keep the audience in the character’s point of view relentlessly, you will pull the audience into the story. If you can introduce a character who is complex, with contradictions or complicated relationships, even better. Knowing something deeper about a character actually makes us more curious than knowing very little.

2.) An opening that doesn’t show any compelling visual of the world of the show.
The typical version of this is a scene in a nondescript office or living room with several pages of dialogue between characters sitting across from each other. There are also generic classrooms, dark alleys, deserted landscapes, etc.
The second key creative element of any television series is the world. When a writer doesn’t prioritize immersing the audience in an interesting, high-stakes world, my sense is that the world has not been developed. If there were a highly specific, visually arresting world with built-in obstacles, the writer would be eager to get me in there.
A compelling opening makes me experience the world with all my senses. That might mean a visual sequence such as a walk-and-talk (Hacks), or dynamic action unfolding in a specific context. Use evocative descriptions focusing on key details. You might unfold the world through a character’s point of view, in their actions and reactions (The Bear, The Pitt). You might show the “rules of the universe” through examples (The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones). You might start with a small, intimate scene, then open up the world in the second scene (Heated Rivalry). Just don’t wait too long to get there.

3.) An opening I have seen many, many times before.
Waking up, running late, an ordinary day on the job. If the writer didn’t put their creative hat on for these first pages, it’s hard to believe they will do so later in the script.
Challenge yourself to discard your first, second, and third ideas. Force yourself to abandon the obvious, the good but not great, the great but not wow. If you watch a lot of television, there is a good chance your first ideas come from other shows and films. They are serviceable but not particularly original or fit entirely with your concept. Your second ideas often come from personal experience, which is great, and it’s important to put your personal point of view into a project. But real life is often too small or too tame for television.
Your third ideas are likely to be much better. But at that point, I encourage you to step away from the script for a day. Be willing to look at your best ideas and push them, combine them, get messy. Then you will come up with something truly unexpected and inspired.
Bonus tip: A teaser pulled from later in the season, jumping back in time at the start of Act I (“six months earlier”) is so overused by emerging writers as to now be a cliché. These openings often undercut any sense of suspense, introduce characters and world that is not in the pilot (see problems 1 & 2), and feel disconnected from the rest of the pilot.

4.) Novelizing – writing action lines that summarize what should be scenes instead of scripting out action beat by beat, exactly as it would play out on screen.
As a general rule, minor craft problems, particularly formatting issues, won’t sink your pilot. I am far more interested in a great concept, engrossing storylines, compelling characters, and a complex world than I am in technical minutiae.
But novelizing is almost always a chronic problem indicative of a deeper issue – the inability to think in screen time. And that fundamentally separates beginners who are not truly invested in writing for the screen from writers with a strong grasp of the fundamentals.
A writer who hasn’t mastered thinking in screen time likely lacks requisite knowledge of the rest of the craft as well.
There is no such thing as a “reader.” A script is not a piece of literature. We are all viewers. A script is a blueprint for what will be on screen. Time-out action visually. 1 page = 1 minute on screen. Action lines should describe how the action will play out on screen beat by beat. Only write what the audience will SEE and HEAR and nothing else!
HOW action is performed is as important as what the characters do. Use evocative action verbs to show us how each piece of action is performed. “Walks” is bland and generic. Try “saunters”, “strides”, “struts”, “strolls”, “marches”, “bounces,” etc. This is what will give your script a distinctive tone.

5.) An opening that seeks to overtly communicate the “message” of the show or to “educate” the audience about the world of the show or its subject matter.
Very often, this means an opening with a long speech or voice-over, in which a character explains the moral of the story. Or a montage, perhaps also with narration, giving an overview of the topic, for example, historical context.
This happens because the script was written with the purpose of persuading/educating the audience, and the writer wants to be sure to get that in straight away.
But this is the entertainment industry. Scripted television is about telling entertaining stories. We do make educational television – that’s what documentaries are. Approaching your show with the goal of moralizing or educating is not a viable process and will not result in an enjoyable script.
What’s more, the topic you have chosen is likely to be ubiquitous. Please don’t make me read yet one more script about the evils of faceless corporations, the benefits of therapy, the dystopian outcomes of AI, the dangers of climate change, and teams of scientists solving intractable societal problems while being hunted down by government agencies.
You should absolutely keep in mind the meta-themes of your project. But themes are questions you want the audience to consider, not a moral you want to preach. The more you bury your themes in subtext, in the dilemmas your characters face, in visual style, the more they will resonate with the audience.
Writers sometimes feel like an orientation is needed at the start of the script to give background information the audience needs to understand the story. Here is a good rule to keep in mind: only give the audience information they absolutely need in order to understand this scene right now. No more. If you give away everything at the outset, there is nothing for the audience to discover along the way. Let the audience learn about your world as the story unfolds.
Hopefully, keeping these pitfalls in mind will help you to give careful consideration to how you approach the opening of your script. Be very intentional about planning these scenes. How you open the pilot is too important to simply yank the most explosive scene you have up your sleeve and plop it down on page 1.
Whether you are writing a teaser, cold open, or the start of Act I, don’t think of these opening pages as a separate unit of the pilot. A thing outside the show. It should be an encapsulation of the show.
The first five minutes is what the audience will be watching for the rest of the series, in essence.
If you're interested in learning more from Anna, you can register for her upcoming Stage 32 Screenwriting Lab: Rewrite Your TV Series Pilot Script in 8 Weeks by clicking HERE!
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About the Author

Anna Marton Henry
Producer, Script Consultant
Anna Henry is an independent producer through her company, Idle Hour Entertainment, which focuses on projects with international appeal and showcasing diversity (women, people of color, LGBTQ+) in writers and stories. Anna is also a sought-after script consultant and Stage 32 educator, and taught...



