INT.SMALL OFFICE CUBICLE - AFTERNOON CLOSE UP PHOTOGRAPH ON DESK A family photo of the HOWSER family wearing Christmas sweaters. JACK, 40, and JOANNE, 38, with their four children; MICHELLE,13, PARKER,12, BEN,9 and ALLISON,6. BACK TO SCENE Jack sits at the desk, computer in front of him. He turns off the computer, puts some papers into his briefcase and snaps it shut. As he pulls on his jacket, CHUCK, a co worker, pops his head around the corner of the cubicle. CHUCK Checking out early today, Jack? JACK Early for this place. I should have left half an hour ago. Chuck winks at him. CHUCK Got a hot date? JACK Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. Want to see a picture? Chuck's eyes widen and he licks his lips. CHUCK Sure. Jack picks up the family picture and points it at Chuck. JACK Here they are, all five of them. Chuck scowls. CHUCK You're no fun. That's just your family. You're rushing home to be with your family? JACK Yes, I am. Wife's been complaining that the family never has dinner together. Promised her I'd get home early. I'm turning over a new leaf. Tonight, it's dinner with the family. EXT. TYPICAL SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD - DINNERTIME Kids riding bikes. BARKING DOGS. Howser house sits in the middle of the block. Two stories, basketball net out front, two bikes parked in the driveway, an open garage door shows a mini van parked inside. INT. HOWSER HOUSE - CONTINUOUS A foyer, coats and hats hanging on hooks by the door, leads down a hallway and into the dining room. The table is partially set for six. A swinging door from the kitchen opens and Allison enters, her hands full of silverware. Singing to herself, she sets the pile of silverware on the table. The swinging door opens again and Joanne enters. A wooden spoon in one hand, she licks the fingers of her other hand. JOANNE It's forks on the left and spoons and knives on the right. Allison continues singing, but changes the words. ALLISON Forks and knives and spoons on the left. JOANNE Allison, listen to me for a minute. Forks on the left, spoons and knives on the right. ALLISON (still singing) Forks on the left, spoons and knives on the right. JOANNE You got it. She rumples Allison's hair affectionately. She watches as Allison starts to place the silverware correctly. Suddenly, she startles. She darts into the kitchen, the swinging door swings behind her. Allison continues setting the table, paying no attention to her mom. INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS A pot boils over on the stove. Joanne turns off the heat and moves the pot to the sink. As she drains the noodles into a collandor she glances out the window and smiles. P.O.V. OUT WINDOW INTO BACKYARD Parker, wearing street clothes and a baseball cap on backwards, throws a baseball to Ben who is dressed in a baseball uniform. EXT. FRONT YARD HOWSER HOUSE - CONTINUOUS A Prius drives down the street and pulls into the Howser driveway. Two bikes block the way. Jack sits in the driver's seat and honks the horn. He waits a moment, sighs and gets out of the minivan to move the bikes to the grass. He then pulls into the garage. INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Joanne stirs together a casserole. Allison stands on a stool, getting glasses down from an upper cabinet. A car DOOR SLAMS in the garage. Joanne and Allison stop and stare at each other in glee. JOANNE Daddy's home! ALLISON Daddy! She jumps off the stool and runs to the side door just as Jack enters, carrying a briefcase. He sets the briefcase down and scoops Allison into his arms. JACK Hello, peanut. He gives her a hug and sets her back down. He goes over to Joanne and gives her a quick kiss while he steals a noodle from her dish. JACK (CONT'D) How long until dinner? JOANNE About ten minutes. Jack starts to leave. JOANNE (CONT'D) Briefcase. Jack back tracks, grabs his briefcase and leaves the room. UPSTAIRS - CONTINUOUS Jack comes to the top of the staircase and heads down the hall. The bathroom door stands partially open with MUSIC blaring from the room. Jack pushes the door open. Michelle stands in front of the mirror, wearing a two piece bathing suit. She frowns at her reflection, cups the bra cups and tries to push her just sprouting breasts into something more. An Ipod plays on the vanity. JACK (yelling over the music) Hi, Michelle. Michelle screams and grabs a towel, covering her breasts. She slams the door in Jack's face. Jack feels his nose where the door hit. He shakes his head and continues down the Hall into his bedroom. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Joanne opens the window over the sink. JOANNE Boys, dinner time. Come in and wash up. She picks up the casserole and heads into the dining room. DINING ROOM - CONTINUOUS Joanne sets the casserole on the table. The boys THUNDER through the house and up the stairs. Joanne winces as she hears the bathroom door HIT THE WALL as they fling it open. Michelle SCREAMS upstairs. Joanne rolls her eyes. She walks to the bottom of the stairs. JOANNE Dinner! She walks back to the dining room and takes a seat. THUMPS and RUNNING FEET vibrate through the house as the children race for the dinner table. They plop into their seats and begin to dish food onto their plates. Jack comes in and sits at the head of the table. Ben, the first one to load his plate, picks up a fork and starts to eat. Joanne clears her throat loudly and Ben stops, his fork halfway to his mouth. He slowly puts the fork down. Joanne holds out her hands and everyone takes the cue, holding hands around the table. They recite a prayer. FAMILY God is great, God is good. Let us thank him for our food. Amen. Everyone starts to eat. JACK No game tonight, Parker? Parker rolls his eyes. MICHELLE Geez, Dad, where ya been? JACK What? JOANNE Parker isn't playing baseball anymore. Jack's mouth drops open in surprise. JACK But you love baseball. Parker wrinkles his face in disgust. PARKER Crusher says baseball is stupid. JACK Who is Crusher? PARKER One of the gang, along with Slicer, Masher and Redneck. JOANNE Now, Parker, I told you I don't like those names. PARKER I don't go by Parker anymore. My new name is Punisher. He makes a fist, punches the air parallel to his body, brings his elbow down hard at his side and then raises his fist in the air. JACK What are you talking about? Joanne? JOANNE He and his new friends have changed their names. Let's just eat dinner right now without any conflict. They all continue to eat in silence. Jack tries to salt his food, but nothing comes out of the salt shaker. He tries again to no avail. Finally, he opens the shaker and peers inside. JACK The salt shaker is empty. JOANNE Is it? Well, I'm sure there's salt in the kitchen. JACK Who wants to get daddy salt? The kids keep eating, purposely avoiding their dad's eyes. Jack sighs, gets up and takes the salt shaker into the kitchen. Everyone else continues eating. The DOORBELL rings and Michelle leaps up from the table. MICHELLE That's Beth. We're walking to the pool. She jumps up and dashes out. A SLAMMING DOOR indicates that she has left. A HORN BEEPS out front. Ben jumps up, gulping down the last of his milk. BEN That's Joey. Bye, Mom. JOANNE Wait a minute. You're forgetting something. BEN Oh, Mom. Joanne beckons to him with one finger and then points to her cheek. Ben shuffles over to his mom and places a quick kiss on her cheek. JOANNE You can't expect to win a game if you haven't kissed your mother. Go on, now. Get going. Ben races out of the room. PARKER I'm going out, too. Can you drop me off on Sycamore? JOANNE I wish you'd mentioned this sooner. Allison has story hour at the library tonight. PARKER Forgot earlier. Can you drive me? JOANNE We'll have to leave now. Joanne, Allison and Parker get up and hurry out the door. Jack reappears from the kitchen, salt shaker in his hand. JACK The salt shaker was empty and- He stops short when he sees the empty room, the table a mess of empty plates and tossed napkins, chairs pushed every which way. JACK (CONT'D) What the...? EXT. HOWSER FRONT PORCH - EVENING Jack sits on the front porch, a drink in his hand. A police car pulls up out front, its lights pulsing. Jack watches as an OFFICER gets out of the car and opens the back door. Parker climbs out. Jack stands as they approach. OFFICER Mr. Howser? JACK Yes. OFFICER We found your son, Parker, defacing public property. JACK What? OFFICER He and a group of boys were spray painting profanity under the Midway Bridge. JACK Parker? Parker glares at his dad. PARKER We were just having fun. JACK Since when is destroying property fun? Parker just glares at his dad with defiance. JACK (CONT'D) Go up to your room. We'll talk about this later. Parker yanks open the door, stomps into the house and SLAMS the door. JACK (CONT'D) I'm sorry, Officer. That's not like Parker. OFFICER Well, he didn't have a record of any kind so I thought I'd just bring him home and give him a warning. JACK Thank you, Officer. It won't happen again. OFFICER I hope not. Next time I'll have to bring him in to the station. The Officer heads back to the car and pulls away. Jack sits and watches him go. As he takes a drink, he notices a couple kissing in the shadows a little way down the street. He gives a small laugh. The couple pulls apart and Jack sees it is Michelle with a boy. Jack jumps up and stares in disbelief as they kiss once more and then the boy takes off down the street. Jack's mouth falls open and he stares at Michelle as she slowly wanders to the house. A small smile on her face, lost in her thoughts, she passes Jack without seeing him and goes up the front steps. JACK Michelle! Michelle startles and turns to her dad. MICHELLE Dad? I didn't see you there. JACK Well I saw you. You were kissing that boy. Michelle smiles at the memory. MICHELLE (dreamily) Yeah. JACK Michelle! MICHELLE Oh, Dad, it was only Billy Odin. That didn't mean anything. JACK You're thirteen! MICHELLE I know. I didn't think it was ever going to happen. She bounces up the steps and into the house. Jack turns to follow her, but the sound of a car full of boys yelling and laughing attracts his attention. The car stops in front of the house and Ben squeezes out. He backs across the lawn, talking to his friends in the car. BEN Bye, guys. We kicked butt! He waves as the car pulls away. JACK Ben. Ben turns around and sees his dad on the porch. BEN Oh, hi Dad. I didn't know you were around. JACK Obviously. I don't like to hear you talk like that. BEN What? JACK You know what I mean. BEN Oh, Dad. There's nothing wrong with the word butt. JACK Find another way to say it. BEN Okay, okay. Ben starts to go into the house. JACK So how did the game go? BEN We kicked ass. Ben SLAMS the front door as Jack starts to rise menacingly off the steps. Just then, Joanne pulls into the driveway and Jack changes direction, walking towards her minivan. Joanne sees him approach. JOANNE Hi, honey. ALLISON Daddy! Allison runs and throws herself at Jack. He catches her and hugs her. JACK Joanne, we have to talk. JOANNE Oooh. You sound so serious. Jack looks pointedly at Allison. JACK Ally, sweetie, go in the house and get ready for bed. ALLISON I don't want to go to bed. It's summer. JOANNE Get into your pajamas and then you can watch a movie in my bedroom. ALLISON All right! Thanks, Mommy. She runs into the house and Joanne settles herself on the front stoop. Jack sits next to her. JOANNE What is it, Jack? JACK Michelle was kissing a boy. JOANNE She's thirteen. JACK Ben used foul language. JOANNE Not that I condone everything, but the kids are growing up. JACK You were right. JOANNE Well, I like the way this is going. About what? JACK We don't spend time as a family anymore. JOANNE We had dinner together tonight. JACK No, you and the kids had an eat and dash dinner while I was filling the salt shaker. I had a lonely, all by myself dinner. I didn't even know where everyone went. Joanne pats his arm in an exaggerated condescending way. JOANNE Oh, poor baby. Were you all alone? Jack does an exaggerated pout. JACK Yes, and I didn't like it. JOANNE Awwww. She rumples his hair. JOANNE (CONT'D) At least today was a start. You made it home in time for dinner. JACK But everyone else left. And then Michelle kisses a boy and the police bring Parker home, Ben's language is- JOANNE Wait a minute. The police brought Parker home? JACK He was vandalizing property. You were right, we have to find a way to spend more time together as a family. The kids are out of control. She jumps up, kisses him on the forehead. JOANNE Say it one more time. Jack looks at her in puzzlement. JACK The kids are out of control? JOANNE No, about how I was...what was it that you said? JACK That you were right? JOANNE There it is. She disappears into the house. Jack stares into the night, thinking. JACK Something we can do together as a family. INT. CHUCK'S CAR - AFTERNOON Chuck drives as Jack stares out the passenger window. CHUCK Where do you want to eat lunch? They drive by a sporting goods store with a fake campsite set up in the window. Jack cranes his neck to see it as they go by. JACK (frantically) Stop the car! Chuck slams on the brakes. The tires SQUEAL, the car weaves and skids as it comes to a stop. Traffic around them SQUEALS and HONKS and a car swerves around them. CHUCK What? What is it? JACK Did you see that store? CHUCK Store? What store? What are you talking about? JACK Camping! That's it! That's the perfect thing to get my family back together. CHUCK Camping? You idiot. You made me stop the car and almost get in an accident over camping? JACK Did you see it? CHUCK Get out of my car. I don't want to have lunch with you anymore. Jack opens the car door and climbs out. He heads towarsd the sporting goods store. Chuck rolls down the passenger side window. CHUCK (CONT'D) Hey, Jack, I was just kidding. You don't have to get out. Jack! Jack ignores him and keeps walking until he is standing right in front of the camping display. JACK Camping. EXT. HOWSER HOUSE - LATE AFTERNOON Allison blows bubbles in the front yard. Michelle sits on the front porch, talking on the phone, while Parker works on his bike in the garage. Ben comes zipping down the sidewalk on a scooter. Jack's car, loaded with camping equipment, comes down the street. He HONKS the horn and pulls into the driveway. Allison waves, but the other three ignore him. He HONKS again and rolls down the window. JACK Hey, kids! The others look up. Jack opens the back hatch and starts to pull the equipment out of the car. The boys and Allison wander over. BEN What is all this stuff, Dad? JACK Just you wait and see. Ally, go get your mother. Allison runs into the house as Jack continues to empty the car. Equipment is spread out over the front lawn. Parker and Ben start to inspect the packages. Michelle still talks on the phone. JACK (CONT'D) Hang up the phone Michelle and see what Daddy brought home. Michelle ignores him. JACK (CONT'D) Michelle! MICHELLE Listen, Beth, I gotta go. I'll call you later. Michelle hangs up the phone. Allison and Joanne come down the front steps. Joanne turns, looking at everything. JOANNE Jack, what is all this? JACK Something to bring the family closer together and make some memories. He spreads his arms out wide. JACK (CONT'D) Camping! JOANNE (unsure) Camping? ALLISON (with wonder) Camping? MICHELLE (with disgust) Camping! BEN (with glee) Camping! PARKER (with trepidation) Camping? Jack Camping. PARKER I'll miss everything. MICHELLE I can't believe this. Camping. I'd rather die! PARKER I might be able to arrange that. JACK Okay. Enough. We are going camping. Think about it. No phones, no television, no traffic. Just us and the great outdoors. MICHELLE Sounds horrible. PARKER (trying to et a rise out of Michelle) There'll be spiders and hissing snakes and bears. MICHELLE Shut up, moron. PARKER Lizards in your sleeping bag. Leeches where you swim. MICHELLE I said shut up! She pushes Parker who stumbles backwards, trips over Ben's scooter and lands on the grass. Michelle starts to walk away, but he grabs her ankle and she falls. Parker holds onto her foot as she kicks at him, trying to get him to let go. JOANNE (to Jack) Do we have to take the kids? Couldn't we do family time without them? JACK Family time was your idea. JOANNE I know, I know. All right, that's enough. You two cut it out. Jack pulls the two of them apart. Ben wanders through the camping equipment. JACK We are going camping and we are going to have fun. Just think of sleeping in a tent under the stars. BEN Dad? JACK Crickets chirping in the distance. BEN Dad. JACK Fireflies flashing in the dark. Shadows from the fire dancing on the tent walls. BEN Dad! Jack sighs. JACK What is it, Ben? BEN Where's the tent? Jack looks around the yard. He walks around all the stuff on the lawn. JACK I couldn't have forgotten a tent. He walks around the yard again. JACK (CONT'D) I can't believe it. I forgot to buy a tent. Everyone stands silently, staring at all the things scattered around the yard. Joanne starts to chuckle. The kids join in. They start to laugh. Finally, Jack laughs, too. INT. HOWSER HOUSE - MORNING SUPER: CAMPING TRIP #1 Joanne stands by the open front door. The van sits in the driveway, camping things tied to the top. Jack lugs a suitcase down the stairs. JACK Is all of this really necessary? We're only going away for a weekend. JOANNE We are a family of six, Jack. Allison wanders in. ALLISON Mommy? JACK But it's only a weekend. ALLISON Daddy? JOANNE Just load it in the minivan. ALLISON Mommy. Daddy. They both turn to Allison. JOANNE What is it, Allison? ALLISON Someone spilled something downstairs. JACK Can you clean it up, honey? Allison frowns. ALLISON I'll try. She wanders out. Jack stares at the huge suitcase he had just carried down the stairs. JACK I hope this fits in the back of the minivan. We may have to pack it in something else. JOANNE I really don't want to have to repack. See if you can squeeze it in. Allison comes back. ALLISON I can't do it. Joanne sighs. JOANNE Don't worry, Ally. I'll clean it up. Joanne leaves for the basement and Jack continues dragging the suitcase across the lawn. JOANNE (O.S.) (CONT'D) Jack! Jack! JACK What? Silence makes Jack set the suitcase down and go back into the house and yells down the basement stairs. JACK (CONT'D) What is it, Joanne? JOANNE Come down here. Jack sighs and starts down the stairs. BASEMENT - CONTINUOUS Jack trudges down the stairs. JACK I'm trying to get everything packed and- He stops when he sees Joanne standing by a river of water rushing across the basement floor. The water is about two inches deep and eighteen inches across. Laying in the middle of the current is a small paper napkin. JACK (CONT'D) What is going on? JOANNE It's the hot water heater, but look at the napkin. JACK It's a napkin. So what. JOANNE It's where Allison tried to clean up the spill. They look at each other and burst out laughing. They hug each other as they laugh. The laughter finally stops and they stare at the mess. JOANNE (CONT'D) I'll get some towels and call the plumber. JACK I'll unpack the minivan. EXT. HOWSER HOUSE - LATE AFTERNOON SUPER: CAMPING TRIP #2 The minivan stands in the driveway, all its doors open, surrounded by coolers, lawn chairs and other camping paraphernalia. Two suitcases and the tent box sit on top of the minivan. Two bicycles lay on their sides in the driveway. Sidewalk chalk lies scattered on the sidewalk and some large toy trucks lay scattered across the lawn. Jack stands in the middle of the mess, looking slightly befuddled. Joanne runs out of the house, adds another bag to the pile and goes back into the house. She runs past Michelle sitting on the porch, talking on the phone. Allison skips rope on the front sidewalk. Ben repeatedly tosses a basketball onto the roof, catching it as it rolls down. The ball goes sideways and hits Jack in the head. JACK Ow! Ben! BEN Whoops, sorry, Dad. Jack rubs his head and tosses the ball back to Ben. JACK Be more careful. Jack lifts another suitcase onto the minivan top. He throws a rope over the pile and it dangles down where Parker leans against the minivan. He glances at the rope, but doesn't move. Jack runs around the minivan and stops short when he sees Parker. JACK (CONT'D) I wondered where you went. We're never going to get out of here if you kids won't help. PARKER I don't even want to go camping. JACK Well, no one asked you. Now get off your butt and help me get this stuff tied on the roof. BEN (imitating his father) I don't like to hear you talk like that. JACK Not now, Ben. Ben goes back to tossing the ball. Joanne comes out of the house again and surveys the yard. JOANNE Parker, help your dad. Michelle, your conversation is over. Tell your friend good-bye. MICHELLE I have to go soon, Beth. My mom is on the warpath. We have to go camping this weekend and- Joanne takes the phone out of Michelle's hand. JOANNE She'll see you Monday, Beth. Joanne hangs up the phone. JOANNE (CONT'D) Ben and Allison, you two clean up all the toys and get everything put away before we leave. Michelle, come help me inside. Now move it! Everyone hurries about at their assigned chores. Joanne goes back inside, followed by Michelle. Jack smiles. EXT. HOWSER HOUSE - LITTLE WHILE LATER The family sits in the minivan, Ben and Parker in the two middle seats and Allison and Michelle in the far back. The top of the minivan towers with all their belongings tied with rope. JACK Everybody ready? JOANNE I think we're ready. The minivan pulls out of the driveway and drives down the street. EXT. HIGHWAY - LATER The Howser minivan travels along the highway, the resulting wind making the things on top of minivan shake and move. INT. HOWSER MINIVAN - CONTINUOUS Joanne sits in the front passenger seat with a map open on her lap. JOANNE I think we take exit 26. JACK What do you mean, you think? BEN Hey, Dad, wanna hear a joke? JACK Don't interrupt, Ben. What do you mean you think we take exit 26? EXT. HOWSER MINIVAN - CONTINUOUS The minivan goes over a bump and the baggage on top bounces slightly, pulling on the rope. JOANNE (O.S.) Looking at the map, it looks like we take 26. PARKER (O.S.) Can you turn the radio on? JOANNE (O.S.) Parker, don't interrupt. CLOSE UP: ROPE ON TOP OF MINIVAN The rope loosens on one end. A ball flies off the minivan. Two life jackets start to loosen. A suitcase latch releases and the lid starts to bounce with each bump in the road. JACK (O.S.) You were supposed to get directions. Do you have directions or not? INT. HOWSER MINIVAN, BACK SEAT - CONTINUOUS Allison plays with a doll. Michelle listens to her IPOD with earphones. Her eyes closed, she nods her head in time with the music. JOANNE I have the map they sent. On the map, it looks like exit 26. Michelle opens her eyes just in time to see the life jackets fly down the road. She pulls the earphones out, mouth open in surprise. MICHELLE Uh... Mom... Dad... JOANNE Don't interrupt! JACK Don't interrupt! Michelle scowls at being yelled at, puts her earphones back in, closes her eyes and nods to her music again. JOANNE (exasperated) Just take exit 26, okay? JACK Okay! JOANNE Fine! JACK Fine! EXT. HOWSER MINIVAN - CONTINUOUS The right blinker goes on and the minivan leaves the highway at exit 26. They wind up on a bumpy country road. The suitcase flies open and the wind picks up clothing. INT. HOWSER MINIVAN Tense silence fills the minivan, both parents angry. Allison looks up and sees clothes flying down the road behind them. She starts to wave, tentatively at first, then becomes more excited. Jack glances into the rearview mirror and notices Allison waving exuberantly. JACK Put your hands down, Allison, so I can see out the back. What are you doing? ALLISON I'm waving to my clothes, Daddy. JACK Waving to your clothes? What does that mean? ALLISON They're flying behind us. EXT. HOWSER MINIVAN The minivan screeches and weaves as Jack throws on the brakes. He pulls over to the side of the road, the front doors open and Jack and Joanne jump out of the minivan. They stand in shock and stare at the top of the minivan with the rope dangling. The other doors open and the kids tumble out. They all stare at the roof. JACK Damn! JOANNE Jack! Allison giggles. Parker peers down the road, trying to see their things. Michelle leans against the minivan in boredom. ALLISON Daddy said a bad word. BEN Damn! Allison giggles. JOANNE Didn't you tie the rope? JACK Of course I tied the rope. BEN Damn! Allison giggles. JOANNE You didn't see things flying off the minivan? JACK No. Did you? BEN Damn! Allison giggles. MICHELLE I saw them. Her parents turn to her. JOANNE What? You knew? JACK Why didn't you say anything? Michelle examines her nails. MICHELLE I tried and you told me not to interrupt. Jack and Joanne stare at each other and sigh. BEN Damn! JACK You can say that again. BEN Damn! Allison giggles. EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - EVENING Joanne slowly drives the minivan down the road with Allison kneeling on the seat, peering out the window. Jack, Parker, Michelle and Ben walk down the road, collecting the things that have blown away. ALLISON There's something. She points to a pair of blue jeans laying in the bushes. Michelle hurries over and pulls them off, throwing them into the back of the minivan. MICHELLE (sarcastically) Camping is such fun, Dad. JACK I don't want to hear it. Keep looking. PARKER For how long? JACK Eventually, we'll be back home. BEN Home? We aren't going camping? JACK It will be too late to go camping by the time we collect everything. Just keep your eyes peeled for underwear. They continue down the road, picking up bits and pieces as they go. INT. HOWSER HOUSE, MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT Joanne lies on the bed on her side, her back to Jack who is sitting on the bed. Jack sighs a loud sigh. Joanne turns over sleepily. JOANNE What's wrong, Jack? JACK Nothing. She rubs his back. JOANNE Can't you sleep? Jack sits silently for a moment. JACK Why can't we go camping? Millions of people do it every week-end. Why can't we? JOANNE We'll get there. We've had some bad luck is all. JACK (despondently) Yeah, right. JOANNE What is it, Jack? Something more is bothering you. Jack speaks very quietly. JACK Camping is something a man should be able to do. I feel this is an indication of my manhood. Or lack of it. Joanne rubs his back a few more times, biting her lip to keep from laughing. Her mouth opens and she covers it with her hand. Finally, she gives in and rolls over, her face buried in the pillow, laughing hysterically. JACK (CONT'D) What's so funny? I pour out my soul and you laugh? JOANNE I'm sorry...(gasp)...I'm really sorry. But come on, Jack. Camping is an indication of your manhood? Joanne starts laughing again. Jack looks at herand then climbs into bed next to her turning his back to her. JACK Thanks, Joanne. Thanks a lot. Joanne stops laughing. She puts her arm around him. JOANNE You're right. I shouldn't laugh. I'm sorry Jack rolls over and looks into her eyes. JACK Yeah? JOANNE Yeah. Now get some sleep. Good night, dear. JACK Good night. They kiss and Jack turns back over. Joanne lays down next to him, curled on her side so they lie back to back. All is quiet for a moment. Then, Joanne starts to laugh again. JOANNE Indication of your manhood. Jack pulls the covers over his head. EXT. HOWSER HOUSE - MORNING SUPER: CAMPING TRIP #3 The minivan sits in the driveway, a luggage carrier strapped to the top. Jack latches the carrier lid as everyone else sits in the minivan, waiting. He slaps the carrier. JACK Nothing's getting out of this baby. Jack climbs into the minivan. JACK (CONT'D) We have so much more room in the carrier. The minivan pulls out of the driveway and disappears down the street. EXT. HIGHWAY - THIRTY MINUTES LATER The Howser minivan travels down the road, traffic a bit heavy. BEN (V.O.) Hey, Dad, are we there yet? JACK (V.O.) Yep. BEN (V.O.) We are not. JACK (V.O.) Then why did you ask? The four lane highway splits into two, as heavy trees divide the northern lanes from the southern lanes. Trees now line both sides of the highway. Suddenly a red pick up truck pulling a trailer goes racing by them, honking its horn. JACK (V.O.) Where did he come from? PARKER (V.O.) Wow! He's fast. BEN (V.O.) Awesome. PARKER Can you catch him, Dad? JACK Well- JOANNE Your dad is too smart to even try to catch that lunatic. That truck is fast on its way to an accident. INT. HOWSER MINIVAN - CONTINUOUS They drive along until the traffic around them starts to slow down forcing them to lose speed until they are just creeping along. INT. HOWSER MINIVAN - CONTINUOUS Jack peers ahead, a frown on his face. JACK What the hell is going on? JOANNE Jack! JACK Well, look at this. The traffic comes to a stop. A large camper pulls up next to their minivan. JACK (CONT'D (CONT'D) We're not even moving. What the- Joanne hits him on the arm. Jack glances back at the kids. JACK (CONT'D) -heck is going on? EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS Starting at the top of their minivan, the point of view pulls away to slowly show the highway, cars sitting like a parking lot, going nowhere. INT. HOWSER MINIVAN - CONTINUOUS Jack stares at the cars all around them. He pounds on the steering wheel. Joanne places her hand gently on his arm. JOANNE Jack, calm down. JACK Look at this. A complete standstill. Parker leans forward with excitement. PARKER Can I hike up ahead and see what's going on? JOANNE No, dear. The traffic could start moving at any time. Jack looks out the side window at the camper sitting next to them. He opens the door and climbs out. JOANNE (CONT'D) Jack. Jack, what are doing? He closes the door behind him and Joanne sighs. They all watch as Jack knocks on the window of the camper. He talks for a few minutes and then climbs back into the minivan. JACK Well, it looks like something is going on maybe a mile ahead. The people next to us can't see any details, but it looks like trouble on the bridge. JOANNE What does that mean? JACK We're probably going to be here a while. JOANNE Okay, kids, unbuckle your seat belts and get comfortable. JACK You still want to hike up and see what's going on, Parker. PARKER You mean it? Jack opens his door again. JACK Come on. Jack and Parker exit the minivan and start walking through the traffic jam. BEN I wanna go, too. JOANNE No, Ben. Just Parker and Dad. BEN It's no fair. ALLISON Mommy, I have to go potty. JOANNE Oh,no. Allison. Can you hold it? ALLISON No. I really hafta go. JOANNE Great. Come on. She opens her door and steps out on the road. Allison squirms her way out of the minivan. Joanne leans back into the minivan. JOANNE (CONT'D) You two stay put. EXT. HOWSER MINIVAN - CONTINUOUS Joanne looks at the trees lining both sides on the road Allison starts to wiggle. ALLISON Mommy! Joanne walks in front of the camper and heads for the trees. EILEEN GOLD, 62, her short gray hair tucked behind her ears, opens the front door of the camper and steps on the running board. She wears navy blue elastic waisted capris and a white t-shirt. EILEEN Where you going, dear? Joanne stops and turns around. JOANNE Me? EILEEN Yes, you, dear. JOANNE We're just going to go into the trees for a few minutes. EILEEN Does the little one need to use the bathroom? Joanne looks at the ground then looks up and nods yes with a laugh. EILEEN (CONT'D) Don't go into the trees. Bring her in here. She can use ours. Joanne starts to walk towards the camper. JOANNE You have a bathroom in there? EILEEN Sure do. JOANNE And you'll let us use it? EILEEN Sure will. Joanne hurries to the door of the camper which Eileen has opened. They all duck inside. INT. HOWSER MINIVAN - CONTINUOUS Michelle opens the minivan door. MICHELLE I need some air. BEN Mom said stay in the minivan. MICHELLE I'm not going far. She heads in the opposite direction as her dad and Parker. Ben kneels on the seat and watches her through the back window. Suddenly, the minivan door opens and Ben turns to see his mother helping Allison into the minivan. JOANNE Where's Michelle? BEN She went that way. He points after Michelle. JOANNE Are you kidding me? Well that's just great. She closes the door and stands outside the minivan. EXT. HOWSER MINIVAN She looks around, trying to spot Michelle. Other people emerge from their cars. Some lay on the hood of their car. Some climb to their roof to try to see up the road. One young man in jeans and a black tee shirt pulls out a guitar and sits in the grass next to the road and starts to softly strum. Joanne opens the minivan door. JOANNE Come on, you two. You may as well get out and stretch. Ben and Allison quickly exit the minivan. They watch the others in their antics. From farther behind them, the distinct WAIL OF A SAXOPHONE, drifts to their ears. Ben tries to climb onto the minivan. JOANNE (CONT'D) No, Ben. Stay down. BEN Everybody else is doing it. JOANNE Alright, but not on the roof. Joanne nervously searches for Michelle. EXT. TRAFFIC JAM, FURTHER UP THE ROAD - SIMULTANEOUS Parker and Jack walk through the parked cars on the highway. PARKER What do you think is going on, Dad? JACK I don't know. But tell me, what's going on with you? Parker ducks his head and mumbles. PARKER Nothing. JACK The police brought you home, Parker. The police! They walk silently for a few minutes. JACK (CONT'D) I'm worried about you Parker. Parker looks up and stops walking. PARKER Oh, man. Look at that. A little ways ahead, on a small bridge, the red truck with trailer attached sits jack-knifed, wedged tightly between the concrete sides on the bridge. EXT. HOWSER MINIVAN - SIMULTANEOUS Ben and Allison sit on the bumper of the minivan. Joanne paces, stops, checks for Michelle, then repeats the pattern. Eileen rolls down her window and leans out. EILEEN You kids want some popcorn? BEN Yeah. ALLISON Me, too. Eileen winks at Joanne and goes back into the camper. Joanne peers down the road for one last look and then knocks on the camper door. Eileen opens the door. JOANNE You're very kind. Let me help. She climbs into the camper. EXT. TRAFFIC JAM, FURTHER UP THE ROAD - SIMULTANEOUS Parker and Jack trudge back through the traffic, heading to their minivan. JACK Was it fun in the police minivan? PARKER I don't want to talk about it. JACK Were you scared?" PARKER I don't want to talk about it. JACK Did they- Parker interrupts, yelling. PARKER I said I don't want to talk about it. I screwed up, okay? Now leave me alone. Parker takes off running and Jack watches him with worried eyes. EXT. HOWSER MINIVAN - CONTINUOUS Ben and Allison still sit on the minivan, but hold bowls of popcorn in their laps and munch away. Parker arrives at the minivan breathless. JOANNE Parker. Where's your dad? What's going on? Parker brushes by her. PARKER Leave me alone. He opens the door of the minivan, throws himself in and slumps down in the front seat. Joanne watches him in exasperation. Jack comes jogging up to the minivan. JOANNE What's going on? JACK That red truck jack-knifed on the bridge. Ben slides off the minivan. BEN Woo-hoo. Eileen opens the door to the camper. EILEEN Did you see what happened? BEN See it happen, my mom made it happen! Eileen gives her a questioning look. JOANNE Oh, Ben, I did not. (to Eileen) The truck flew by us earlier and I said it was heading for an accident. JACK It's wedged in the bridge. Eileen laughs. EILEEN I'll tell George. She closes the camper door. JOANNE What's wrong with Parker? JACK I tried talking to him about the police business.. A slight pause. JOANNE Michelle is gone. JACK What do you mean gone? JOANNE She took off through the traffic. I don't know where she went. JACK Why didn't you stop her? JOANNE I wasn't here at the time. Jack looks at her, his eyebrows furled in confusion. JOANNE (CONT'D) Allison had to go to the bathroom. I was in the camper. She points to Eileen's camper. JOANNE (CONT'D) They were nice enough to let Allison use their bathroom. They both peer in the distance, trying to see a glimpse of Michelle. Allison walks to the back of the minivan. She peers into the minivan, still munching on popcorn. JOANNE (CONT'D) I'm really worried. JACK Maybe I should go looking for her. JOANNE What was Michelle thinking? ALLISON She was tired. Jack and Joanne to Allison. JOANNE What? ALLISON That's why she went to sleep. Allison points in the back of the minivan. Jack and Joanne peer inside and find Michelle sleeping on the seat. They open the back door. JOANNE Michelle! Michelle stirs and opens her eyes. She slowly sits up, looks at her mom then looks out the window at Allison. MICHELLE Hey, I want popcorn. JACK I thought you said she was gone. JOANNE She was. I swear. Michelle, when did you get back into the minivan? MICHELLE A while ago. I was tired so I laid down and took a nap. Jack smiles at Joanne. She throws up her hands in exasperation. EXT. HIGHWAY - DUSK Cars still sit as the sun goes down. Some kids, including Allison and Ben, chase fireflies in the grass. Michelle lays on the grass, eating a sandwich. Parker sits next to her. Suddenly, people ahead of them start heading for their cars. A man two cars in front of them yells back at them before he gets into his car. MAN Traffic's starting to move again. PARKER Hey, Dad. I think it's over. Jack peeks his head out of the open camper door and ducks back inside. INT. CAMPER - CONTINUOUS Eileen and her husband, GEORGE, 65, sit on a bench on one side of the table. Joanne sits across from them. JACK We're moving. Everyone stands up and Joanne gives Eileen a hug. JOANNE Thank you for everything. I wouldn't have survived this without you. She leaves the camper. JACK George, let me pay you for the food we ate. George runs his hand across his stubbled chin. GEORGE No, no. That's not necessary. It was a pleasure meeting you and your family. JACK Thanks, George. Nice to meet you and Eileen, too. INT. HOWSER MINIVAN - CONTINUOUS Everyone except Jack sits in the minivan. Jack opens the driver's door and climbs inside. JACK Okay, gang. Let's go home. PARKER Home? MICHELLE We don't have to camp? ALLISON I want to roast marshmallows. JACK It's dark. We would still have to set up the tent. We'll try again next weekend. EXT. HOWSER MINIVAN - CONTINUOUS Cheers can be heard as the traffic starts to unsnarl. Jack slowly pulls the minivan forward and finally, as the traffic moves, he picks up speed. INT. JACK'S OFFICE BUILDING - DAY Jack walks down the hallway at his cubicle, hurried and distracted. Chuck looks up from his desk as Jack passes by. CHUCK Hey, Jack. Jack, not hearing him, continues by without a glance. Chuck gets up and follows Jack. JACK'S CUBICLE - CONTINUOUS Jack reaches his desk and drops heavily into his chair. Chuck peeks his head around the door. CHUCK What? I'm not good enough for you anymore? Has the camping king risen above us city morons? JACK Shut up, Chuck. CHUCK My, my. Something wrong? JACK We haven't even gotten to the campgrounds yet. CHUCK What? You're kidding me. JACK Never mind. Camping's great. Now get out. Chuck laughs as he disappears from the doorway. EXT. HOWSER HOUSE - FRIDAY AFTERNOON SUPER: CAMPING TRIP #4 Jack packs the car top carrier. Michelle sits on the porch talking on the phone. Allison jumps rope on the front sidewalk. The carrier holds a variety of bags and boxes. Joanne comes out of the house carrying another bag. JACK Where am I going to fit that? They stand and stare at the car top carrier. JOANNE Maybe if we take the tent out of the box it will make more room. JACK We can try. He starts to unpack the carrier to get to the large tent box. CLOSE UP: MICHELLE TALKING ON THE PHONE MATCH CUT - THIRTY MINUTES LATER CLOSE UP: MICHELLE TALKING ON THE PHONE BACK TO SCENE Parker and Ben wrestle on the front lawn. Jack closes the car top carrier as Joanne and Allison come out of the house, closing the door behind them. They go to the minivan, Jack throws the empty tent box in the garage and shuts the door. He turns around and claps his hands. JACK In the car. Let's go EXT. CAMPGROUNDS - LITTLE WHILE LATER The Howser minivan drives slowly along the gravel road. They drive by camping sites filled with other campers. INT. HOWSER MINIVAN - CONTINUOUS Jack and Joanne search as they drive. The children eat fast food hamburgers in the back. JOANNE Everything's full. JACK If we hadn't stopped for dinner, we could have been here earlier. JOANNE The kids were hungry. I was hungry. I thought things would go easier if everyone was fed. They continue driving and come upon an open camping spot. JACK Here's one. The Howser minivan pulls into the parking spot and everyone tumbles out. JOANNE Let's walk down to the lake first. JACK No, we have to set up camp. JOANNE I say the lake first. JACK I say camp first. EXT. LAKE CONTINUOUS The family walks along the lake, skipping stones and threatening to push each other in the water. EXT CAMPSITE - EARLY EVENING The minivan sits with everything still packed. Parker and Ben appear up a path in the trees, racing. Parker reaches the campsite first. He clasps his hands over his head in a victory sign. PARKER Hah! The winner. BEN You cheated. PARKER How did I cheat? BEN You were born first. Joanne and Jack appear on the path with Allison between them. Michelle lags behind. They reach the campsite and Jack throws open the carrier. JACK Now we unpack. EXT. CAMPSITE - SAME EVENING Jack and Joanne stand in the middle of their things, now scattered around the campsite. JACK They have to be here. JOANNE What did you do when you got them out of the box? JACK Let me think. I dumped everything out of the box. The boys started fighting and I dealt with that. Then I threw the tent into the carrier and closed it up. JOANNE Do you remember throwing the tent poles into the carrier? JACK I thought they were rolled up inside the tent. JOANNE Well, they weren't JACK Then I guess they're still on the lawn at home. PARKER Dad forgot the tent poles. We can go home. The children cheer. Jack quiets them down. JACK I didn't say we were leaving. MICHELLE We don't have a tent. JACK We have a tent. We don't have poles. I can figure something out. I'm not giving up. EXT. CAMPSITE - NIGHT The canvas tent rests on the open hatch of the minivan, large rocks resting on it to hold it down. Some large sticks prop the end of the tent up in a haphazardly way. The kids lay in their four sleeping bags on the ground under the tent. Jack and Joanne lay in the minivan. A family (mom, dad, two kids) walks by with flashlights. CHILD #1 Tomorrow, can we go boating? DAD That sounds like a good idea. CHILD #2 What is that? A tent? DAD Uh-oh. Looks like someone forgot their tent poles. CHILD #2 That's stupid. DAD Novices. The family laughs as they continue on their way. INT. TENT STRUCTURE - SIMULTANEOUS The other family's LAUGHTER drifts in to the Howser's. PARKER Oh, great! Now people are laughing at us. Michelle pulls her sleeping bag over her head. MICHELLE Just wake me when the nightmare's over. JOANNE I don't know, Jack. Maybe we should just go home. JACK We are going to camp tonight if it kills us. MICHELLE I hope it does. It would be better than dying of embarrassment. BEN I think it's awesome. PARKER Shut up, Ben. BEN You shut up. JOANNE Everyone needs to be quiet. The faster we get to sleep, the faster we can get out of here in the morning. JACK Et tu, Joanne? JOANNE We should all follow Allison's example and go to sleep. BEN Allison's not here. Joanne and Jack both sit up in a panic. JOANNE What do you mean not here? JACK Where is she? Allison appears at the minivan. ALLISON I'm right here. JACK Well, where on earth were you? Joanne gets up and tucks Allison back in her sleeping bag. ALLISON I thought I saw a kitty, but I couldn't find it. JOANNE You shouldn't leave without telling us. ALLISON Okay, Mommy. EXT. HOWSER MINIVAN AND TENT - NIGHT The campground sits quietly in the night. Everyone sleeps soundly. A skunk wanders onto the campsite. It sniffs around and meanders its way under the tent. INT. MAKESHIFT TENT - CONTINUOUS It walks over the top of Michelle who moans and turns over. It brushes by Parker, grazing his face with its tail. It sniffs Ben and then walks over to Allison and sticks its nose in the crease of her neck. Allison wakes up and sees the skunk. ALLISON Kitty! You found me. EXT. HOWSER MINIVAN - CONTINUOUS Everyone starts screaming and bursts out of the tent and the minivan. INT. DETAIL SHOP - DAY Jack stands next to his minivan while a WORKER looks at the inside. The worker pulls his head out from the minivan, a look of disgust on his face. WORKER It's gonna cost ya. JACK Just get the smell out. INT. JACK'S OFFICE - LATE MORNING Jack sits at his desk, staring at his computer screen. Chuck peeks his head around the corner. CHUCK Hey, Jack. I heard everyone's laughing. Jack turns to glare at him. JACK Who told you that? CHUCK It's all around the office, old boy. It's the talk of day. JACK I can't believe this. The whole office knows? He sniffs himself. JACK (CONT'D) Do I still smell bad? Why is everyone laughing? Chuck looks confused. CHUCK Everyone just thought it was funny. JACK The skunk wandered in while we were sleeping. It wasn't funny. CHUCK I was talking about what you said in the meeting this morning. I heard you even made old Wilson crack a smile. JACK Oh, the meeting. Yeah, that was funny. CHUCK But I want to hear about this skunk. JACK I don't want to talk about it. Let's go to lunch. Jack exits the cubicle and Chcuk sniffs him as he walks by. EXT. CITY STREET - NOON Jack and Chuck walk down the street. Jack stops in front of the sporting goods store with a camping scene in the window. Chuck doesn't notice at first and keeps walking. He finally notices and stops. CHUCK Jack, you coming? JACK Yeah, just a minute. Jack stares at the pretend family with a tent set up and sighs. JACK (CONT'D) You make it look so easy. INT. HOWSER MINIVAN - ONE WEEK LATER SUPER: CAMPING TRIP #5 The minivan sits in the driveway, completely loaded and everyone strapped in. JACK Are we forgetting anything? MICHELLE A phone. PARKER The television. BEN Video games JOANNE So nothing we can't live without. The three kids groan. Jack leans over to start the minivan, but pauses. JACK All packed, new tent. This is it Joanne. We're going to do it this time. I can feel it in my bones. EXT. HOWSER MINIVAN - CONTINUOUS The minivan backs out of the driveway and disappears down the street. CLOSE UP FRONT PORCH The large cooler and a box marked FOOD sit on the porch. EXT. CAMPSITE - AFTERNOON The minivan sits at a campsite with the carnrier on the ground and items scattered around. Jack and Joanne stand in the middle of tent pieces, trying to figure out how to set it up. Michelle lies on the back seat of the minivan, door open, one arm flung over her eyes. Parker throws rocks, trying to hit a tree in the distance. Ben lifts up rocks, searching for bugs. Allison has numerous sticks around her, pretending they are people and having them talk to one another. PARKER Parker, the super star, gets ready to pitch. The count is two and three. This pitch decides the world series. MICHELLE You mean Parker the super dork. Parker turns and throws the rock in her direction. It misses Michelle, but whizzes past his father's head, just missing him. JACK Hey! What do you think you're doing? PARKER Sorry, Dad. I was aiming at Michelle JACK That doesn't make it any better. Michelle happens to be in the van. Do you want to put a scratch on the van or break a window? JOANNE Or hurt your sister? JACK Or hurt your sister? Don't throw rocks! Jack goes back to erecting the tent and Parker, after a quick glance to make sure his dad is busy, goes back to throwing rocks at the tree. Joanne and Jack stand perplexed, holding pieces of the tent. JOANNE I think this pole goes into this hole here. JACK But then where does this thing go? MONTAGE 1. The sun sits high in the sky. Michelle sits on the hood of the minivan, soaking up sun. Jack and Ben wrestle on the grass. Allison picks flowers. Jack and Joanne try to put up the tent. 2. Michelle and Allison sit on the ground making flower chains. Parker and Ben sword fight with tent poles. Jack and Joanne try to put up the tent. 3. Michelle does cheer leading moves while Allison and Ben sit and watch. Parker lies under a tree in the shade. Jack and Joanne try to put up the tent. 4. The sun sits low in the sky. Allison naps under a tree. Michelle whistles through a piece of grass placed between her thumbs. There is no sign of Parker or Ben. Jack and Joanne try to put up the tent. CAMPSITE - CONTINUOUS Parker and Ben amble out of the trees as dusk hits. BEN I'm hungry. PARKER Yeah, Mom. When do we eat? Jack throws the tent poles to the ground in disgust. JACK I've had it! Let's have something to eat. JOANNE Good idea. Bring the cooler over to the picnic table. I packed some chicken and potato salad for dinner tonight. Jack walks among the things scattered on the ground, searching for the cooler. JACK Where is the cooler? JOANNE It has to be around here somewhere. She starts looking. JACK Have any of you kids seen the cooler? The kids shrug their shoulders. BEN What's it look like? PARKER It looks like a cooler, stupid. BEN Is it green? JACK Yes. BEN Is it big? JACK Yes! Have you seen it? BEN Sure. JACK Where? BEN Back home on the porch. I saw it there when we drove away. Jack and Joanne look at each in horror. JACK Why didn't you say something? BEN I didn't know it was important. JACK Of all the stupid- JOANNE Jack! It's okay. We have a box of dry foods. I'll make something from that. Joanne looks around the camp site. JOANNE (CONT'D) Where's the box of food? They all look around. BEN What does it look like? JOANNE It's a box, Ben. BEN Is it brown? JACK Yes. BEN Does it have the word food written on it? JACK Yes. BEN It's sitting next to the cooler on the porch. JACK I'm going to have to kill him. INT. CAMP STORE - EVENING The Howser family piles food stuffs on the counter. The CLERK, a young man wearing baggy shorts and a baseball cap turned backwards, watches as the pile of food grows larger. They finally stop and survey the load. JACK I think that's everything. ALLISON Did you get the marshmallows, Mommy? You promised marshmallows. Joanne grabs a bag and adds it to the pile. JOANNE And one bag of marshmallows. CUT TO: INT. CAMP STORE - A FEW MINUTES LATER The clerk rings up the last of the items. CLERK One hundred seventy three dollars and twenty two cents. Jack pulls a credit card out of his wallet. The clerk points to a sign behind the counter that reads CASH ONLY. CLERK (CONT'D) Cash only, dude. Jack turns to Joanne expectantly She looks back at him confused. JOANNE What? EXT CAMP STORE - CONTINUOUS Jack and Joanne walk down the steps of the porch, followed by the children. JACK I can't believe you didn't get any money. JOANNE You were in charge of the money. JACK I never thought they wouldn't take plastic. MICHELLE Oh, god, this is so embarrassing. Jack and Joanne glare at her. BEN I'm hungry. CAMPSITE Jack and Joanne stand by the picnic table, a small pile of coins and a few dollar bills in front of them. The minivan stands with all four doors and the hatch open. Parker's legs stick out from the middle seats. JOANNE I went through all the suitcases and my purse. JACK I searched all the pockets. He adds a small amount of change. Ben pops up in the front minivan seat. BEN I found thirty two cents more. Parker sticks his head up from the middle seats. PARKER I found another quarter under the seat. Michelle appears from the back of the minivan. MICHELLE I found two nickels. JACK Okay, Dinner, here we come. While Mom goes and gets hotdogs- ALLISON -and marshmallows. You promised marshmallows. JACK -and marshmallows, we'll start a fire so it's ready when she gets back. The kids start to collect sticks as Joanne gets into the minivan. EXT. CAMP STORE - CONTINUOUS Joanne parks the minivan and climbs out. She jingles as she walks, her pockets weighed down with all the change. INT. CAMP STORE - CONTINUOUS Joanne enters the store and collects hotdogs, buns and a jug of water. She puts it all on the counter and the clerk rings it up. CLERK Eight dollars and twenty five cents. Joanne pulls the money from her pockets and counts out the amount. He puts the items into a bag. She turns to leave, but suddenly steps back. JOANNE Uh-oh. I almost forgot the marshmallows. She grabs a bag of marshmallows and throw them on the counter. The clerk rings them up. CLERK One dollar. Joanne counts out the money she has left. JOANNE Let's see, twenty-five, thirty five, forty-five, fifty, fifty five. Oh, another quarter. That's eighty five and the rest is in pennies. She starts to count out the pennies. She finishes counting. JOANNE (CONT'D) Oh, oh. Will you take ninety seven cents? CLERK One dollar. JOANNE Come on. It's three cents. CLERK One dollar. Joanne starts to get upset. JOANNE Listen, I've got four kids sitting, waiting to roast marshmallows at the campsite. The one thing I promised was marshmallows. The clerk just stares at her. JOANNE (CONT'D) We forgot our food, we forgot our money, we can't get the tent up and we're hungry. All I want is one stupid bag of marshmallows. Please give me a break. CLERK One dollar. Joanne looks at the bag of marshmallows. CLOSE UP: BAG OF MARSHMALLOWS The bag reads ONE HUNDRED MARSHMALLOWS BACK TO SCENE Joanne rips open the bag and places three marshmallows on top of the counter. She holds the bag up high. JOANNE Ninety seven cents worth of marshmallows. She grabs her bags and leaves the store. The clerk looks at the marshmallows on the counter and then at the door Joanne had just exited through. He shrugs and puts the marshmallows in the register. EXT. AT THE CAMPSITE Jack stands fanning the fire at the fire pit. The kids sit on camp stools, roasting marshmallows on long sticks as the sun sets in the distance. Joanne sits at the picnic table watching the family. Calm and peace reign with crickets chirping. Ben's marshmallow catches fire. He pulls it out of the fire knocking Allison's marshmallow off her stick and into the fire. She starts to CRY. Joanne goes to Allison. JOANNE It's okay, Allison. We have more marshmallows. Allison stops crying as Ben blows on his marshmallow to no avail. He waves the stick rapidly back and forth trying to put out the fire and a piece of marshmallow flies off his stick and lands on Parker, who leaps to his feet. PARKER Ow! Ow! Ben, you idiot. BEN It was an accident. Parker tackles Ben to the ground and they wrestle, yelling at each other. Joanne looks up and sees them fighting. Michelle concentrates on getting her marshmallow browned on all sides. Jack walks away from the fire. JOANNE Michelle, help Allison get a new marshmallow. Boys! Boys! She tries to pull the boys apart. MICHELLE I'm working on my marshmallow. Allison, get your own. ALLISON I can't. MICHELLE Don't be a such a baby. Just stick one on the end of your stick. Allison starts to cry again. Michelle starts to chant loudly to block out Allison's cries. MICHELLE (CONT'D) La,la,la,la,la,la,la,la. Chaos reigns. Suddenly, Jack pours a pitcher of water on the fire, which SIZZLES as it goes out. Everyone stops and stares at the extinguished fire. MICHELLE (CONT'D) Hey, my marshmallow's not done. Parker and Ben sit up. PARKER Yeah, Dad. Why'd ya do that? JACK This camping trip is over. Pack up, we're going home. Allison starts to cry again as the others start to clean up. MICHELLE What's wrong now? ALLISON I didn't get to eat a marshmallow. Michelle sighs and rolls her eyes. She pulls a marshmallow out of the bag and stuffs it into Allison's mouth, effectively muffling her cries. INT. HOWSER HOUSE, KITCHEN - DAY Joanne sits in the kitchen, her laptop on the table in front of her. She pushes the mouse with her finger, stops to read something and scribbles onto a piece of paper. Allison wanders in wearing a tutu and a long stocking cap. ALLISON Mommy, can I play with your jewelry. Joanne doesn't hear her and keeps writing. JOANNE Uh huh. ALLISON And your make-up? Joanne browses her computer. ALLISON (CONT'D) And your make-up? Mommy? Joanne looks up from the screen disoriented. She finally notices Allison. JOANNE Allison. Leave me alone for a little bit, okay, sweetie? I'm busy. ALLISON But is it okay? Joanne looks confused. JOANNE Um, sure. Just let me finish this. Allison happily skips away. Joanne goes back to her computer. Ben wanders in. BEN Can I have a cookie? When Joanne doesn't respond, Ben smiles. BEN (CONT'D) Mom? Mom, the house is on fire. Ben smiles again when there is no response. He hops up onto the kitchen counter and grabs the cookie jar. Opening the jar, he pulls out a handful of cookies and lays them on the counter. He glances at his mom and then takes some more. Jumping down, he gathers up his cookies in his shirt and exits. A few moments later, Michelle enters the kitchen, talking on the phone. She doesn't notice her mother. MICHELLE No way. My mom will never let me do that...(pause)... Because she has to control my life. Michelle suddenly notices Joanne a the table and freezes, waiting for a reaction. MICHELLE (CONT'D) Mom? Joanne doesn't respond. Michelle smiles into the phone. MICHELLE (CONT'D) Wait a minute, Beth. I think we're in luck. FAMILY ROOM - CONTINUOUS Parker sits watching television. Michelle comes in to gloat. MICHELLE I'm going on a double date with Beth. PARKER No way. Mom's never going to let you. MICHELLE She already said yes. PARKER What? Why?. MICHELLE She's working on the computer. PARKER What?! He jumps up and dashes into the kitchen. KITCHEN Parker bursts into the kitchen just as Joanne closes her laptop. Parker slides to a stop. PARKER Oh, man. I missed it. JOANNE Missed what? PARKER Never mind. Parker slinks out of the kitchen in disappointment. EXT. HOWSER HOUSE - CONTINUOUS Jack's car approaches his driveway to find another car just pulling out. As the it goes by, he notices Michelle in the back seat. He parks his car and gets out, watching the other car disappear. Heading to the house, Jack passes Parker slumped on the front stairs, absentmindedly bouncing a tennis ball. When he reaches the porch, Ben is sitting in the swing eating cookies. Jack reaches to open the door, when it opens and Allison exits, wearing high heels, an assortment of necklaces and her face smeared with make-up. INT. HOWSER KITCHEN Joanne sits at the table, reading over the paper she just printed. Jack walks in, doesn't see her and peeks in the pot cooking on the stove. JOANNE Jack, you walked right by me and didn't say hello. JACK Sorry, dear. I didn't see you there. JOANNE Boy, you've got to learn to pay attention. Jack gives Joanne a kiss. JACK I'm going to go change. He leaves the room. Joanne goes after him. INT. HOWSER HOUSE, MASTER BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS Jack pulls off his tie. He sits heavily on the end of the bed and sighs. Suddenly, the door opens and Joanne rushes in holding a piece of paper. She stops and looks at Jack sympathetically. JOANNE Ohhh. Are you still feeling bad about camping? Joanne sits behind Jack on the bed. She lays the paper on the bed and starts to rub his shoulders. JACK I don't understand what the problem is. We haven't even really slept in the tent yet. JOANNE Jack, you're obsessing. JACK I can't help it. It's all I can think about. My failure as a man. JOANNE You shouldn't think that way, but I knew you would so I made you a list. She picks up the paper from the bed. JOANNE (CONT'D) See. I made a list of all the things we've forgotten on all our attempts at camping. JACK So you made a list of my failures. That was so thoughtful of you, dear. JOANNE No, look. This is a list of what we need to go camping. I starred the things we have forgotten to make sure we double check those things. Jack turns around on the bed and looks at the list. JACK Hey, this might work. JOANNE You're not a failure at camping, you're just forgetful. JACK Yeah, this is great. JOANNE What can I say? I'm a wonderful wife. JACK Yes, you are. Joanne throws her arms around him to give him a hug. He loses his balance and they both tumble out of sight over the side of the bed with a THUD. They lay still for a moment and then start laughing. JOANNE You didn't lose the list did you? Jack holds his hand up. It appears over the bed holding the paper. JACK Ta-da. They laugh again. EXT HOWSER HOUSE, BACKYARD - EARLY EVENING Joanne stands with directions in her hand while Jack stands with the tent pieces spread around him. Parker, Ben and Allison sit on the ground and the swingset, watching. JOANNE You start with a piece A and a piece B. JACK What do they look like? Joanne holds her arm up with a slight bend in it. JOANNE A looks something like this and B is straight. Jack holds his arm in a similar position and compares it to the poles laying on the ground. Jack grabs up a pole. JACK Found it. This must be A. Parker rolls his eyes and goes into the house. CUT TO: HOWSER BACKYARD - NIGHT Jack and Joanne still work on the tent which is now standing in the middle of the yard. Joanne shines a flashlight as Jack snaps the last thing together. He steps back to look at his handiwork. JACK We're done. He and Joanne stand and stare at the tent. JOANNE We did it. We got it to stand. They hug each other in glee. JACK Now if we just do this every night this week, we'll be ready come the weekend. The back door opens and Michelle peers out. MICHELLE What are you guys doing out there in the dark? Joanne and Jack turn to her. JACK Look. JOANNE We got the tent up. MICHELLE Whatever. She closes the door. Jack and Joanne hug again and do a little dance. INT. HOWSER HOUSE, FAMILY ROOM - EVENING Jack sits in a chair with his feet up, reading the newspaper. Parker approaches him. PARKER Dad? Jack answers without taking his eyes from the paper. JACK Yes? PARKER Um...Dad...I...um- Jack lowers the paper and looks at Parker. JACK What is it, Parker? PARKER Well, you know how you're going camping this weekend? JACK How we're going camping. PARKER Yeah, well, I thought...um- Jack picks up the paper again. JACK You're going camping, Parker. PARKER I know. I want to go camping. Jack puts the paper down again. JACK Then what's the problem? PARKER I want to go camping, but not with you. JACK You want me to stay home? PARKER Nooo...I want- Parker starts talking very fast. Jack starts shaking his head no as Parker rambles on. PARKER (CONT'D) Crusher's having a sleep over and we're sleeping in the backyard in a tent so really, I'd be camping just in a different place than you. JACK No. You're camping with us. PARKER Please, Dad. Please. I know you want us to camp and I'll be doing that. JACK It's not that I want us to camp. We are trying to do something fun together as a family. PARKER It'll fun for me if I go to Crusher's. JACK The answer is no and I'm not discussing it any further. Jack picks up his newspaper. Parker pauses for a moment and then stomps out of the room. Jack sighs. EXT. HOWSER HOUSE - DAY SUPER: CAMPING TRIP #6 The Howser minivan sits fully loaded with camping equipment. Joanne holds the list as Jack closes the carrier. JOANNE That's everything. They high five each other. JACK Kids, get in the minivan. We're going camping. MICHELLE (sarcastically) Yeah. She climbs into the back followed by Allison. Ben bounces into the minivan, but Parker sits on the front steps. JACK Parker, get into the minivan. PARKER But, Dad- JACK Now! Parker shuffles over to the minivan in protest and climbs in. Joanne closes the door behind him. JACK (CONT'D) Well, he's going to be fun this weekend. Maybe I should let him go to Crusher's. JOANNE No, he'll get over it. I'm glad you said no. I'm not really happy with these new friends he has. JACK Where did they come from? JOANNE He met them in middle school this past year. JACK I thought boys were supposed to be easier. JOANNE Who told you that? They both get into the minivan and it backs slowly down the driveway. INT. MINIVAN - A LITTLE WHILE LATER Parker sits sulking. Michelle looks at him and takes her earplugs out. MICHELLE You really thought you were going to get to stay home? PARKER I'm sick of this. I want to have fun. I mean, you got to go on a date like you wanted. MICHELLE Yeah, well, it really wasn't all that great. The guys joked around with each other and we got kicked out of the movie. They just ignored me and Beth. We would have had more fun by ourselves. PARKER That sucks. But I would have had a blast at Crusher's. Parker slumps down again, sulking and Michelle goes back to her music. EXT. CAMPSITE - LATER The Howser minivan pulls into a campsite. All the doors fling open and the family spills out. Everybody stretches and checks out the spot. The minivan is parked on a gravel spot surrounded by grass. A lush tree sits towards the back. A fire pit and a picnic table also occupy the site. Jack walks to the back of the site, under the tree. He walks around, inspecting the ground. JACK I think we should put the tent here. The tree will shade the tent from the sun. PARKER Whatever. I'm going to check out the lake. BEN I want to go. MICHELLE I want to check out the store. ALLISON I want marshmallows. Joanne holds up one hand. JOANNE Hold it. We are going to set up the tent and unpack first. Let's make sure we're staying before you all disappear. Everybody stops. Jack opens the car top carrier and starts to pull things out, handing them to the kids. Parker participates, but pouts continuously. Jack drags the tent out, throws it over his shoulder and plops it down under the tree. Joanne joins him and they quickly assemble the tent. The kids drag the suitcases and sleeping bags inside the tent. A plastic tablecloth gets put on the picnic table. Parker, Ben and Allison leave with Jack while Michelle and Joanne start setting up for dinner. Jack comes back with the kids all carrying firewood. Once the wood is all stacked, folding chairs and stools get set around the fire pit. Jack stops and looks at their campsite. JACK Look at this. We are really camping. JOANNE I think it's time to start the fire and roast some hotdogs. ALLISON And marshmallows! JACK Will do. Parker, want to help me? Parker, still angry, slumps against the minivan. PARKER No, thanks. BEN I'll help. They stack wood in the fire pit. Jack squirts it with lighter fluid. JACK Everybody stand back. He tosses a match onto the wood and flames shoot into the sky. BEN Awesome. JOANNE I don't think that's a good way to start a fire. JACK Of course it is. Look at it burn. JOANNE I don't think it's very safe. Michelle stares behind Jack and Joanne. MICHELLE Uh-oh. Everybody turns to look and see a RANGER, 30's, wearing a khaki uniform with a hat, walking up to their site. ALLISON Is Daddy going to jail? PARKER Hopefully. JOANNE Hush. Jack and Joanne go to meet him. RANGER Howdy, folks. JACK Can we help you? RANGER I've been going from site to site to let people know that they're predicting severe thunderstorms. Some folks are packing up and going home. Jack looks up at the blue sky. JACK It doesn't look like rain. We just got the fire started. We don't want to leave. RANGER Well, that's your choice, I'm just making everyone aware of the situation. JOANNE Thank you for telling us. The ranger tips his hat and moves on to the next site. Joanne claps her hands. JOANNE (CONT'D) Let's make some hotdogs. The kids each grab a roasting stick, push a hotdog onto it and stick it in the fire. They all stand around, watching the flames dance. Jack shows up with a branch that has multiple sticks attached, a hotdog on each one. JACK I'm hungry! The others laugh. He sticks his branch into the fire and two of the hotdogs fall off into the fire. The others laugh again. CAMPSITE - A LITTLE WHILE LATER Jack puts the last piece of trash in a bag while Joanne wipes off the tablecloth. JOANNE Let's go watch the sunset from the dock and then come back and roast marshmallows. They all head for the lake, Parker last, still shuffling and kicking the dirt. LAKE - CONTINUOUS The lake sits very still, surrounded by trees. A dock juts out into the water. Some canoes, turned upside down, lay on the shore. The family arrives and strolls down the dock. JACK Maybe tomorrow we can rent a canoe. JOANNE That sounds like fun. MICHELLE Would I have to paddle? JACK No. You can just sit there and do nothing. We wouldn't want you to break a nail or anything. PARKER Sounds horrible. Jack finally loses control. He walks up to Parker and stands very close. JACK Really, Parker? Horrible? I think you need to cool down a bit. He pushes Parker backwards. Parker lands in the lake with a splash. Jack stands on the end of the dock. JACK (CONT'D) See if that cools you down. Parker sputters as he treads water. JOANNE (exasperated) Jack MICHELLE Well, that was mature. Jacks anger fades and his face falls as he looks at Parker in the water. JACK I'm sorry Parker. Let me give you a hand out. Ben loses interest and starts to hunt in the weeds by the lake. Jack squats down and offers Parker his hand. Parker grabs it and tries to pull Jack into the water. Jack pulls back and stays on the dock. JACK (CONT'D) Very funny, Parker, but I know that trick. They stay in a stalemate, neither one letting go of the other, but neither one moving. BEN Dad! Look what I found. JACK Not now, Ben. MICHELLE He's fighting with Parker. JOANNE Jack, just let go. JACK He has a hold of me and if I let go, he'll pull me in. Ben runs up the dock to his family. BEN Look at this. He places a frog on Jack's shoulder. The frog gives a jump and falls down into Jack's shirt. Jack startles and falls off the dock. Everyone starts laughing. Jack pops to the surface. JACK Thanks, Ben. Ben grins sheepishly. BEN Oops. Sorry, Dad. MICHELLE That was hilarious. Ben pushes her into the lake. She comes up angry. MICHELLE (CONT'D) Ben, you idiot. BEN I thought it was hilarious. JOANNE It is. And she pushes Ben into the water. ALLISON Yeah, swimming. She jumps into the lake. Joanne stands laughing at them all. JACK Come on, Joanne. You have to come in. MICHELLE Yeah, Mom. JOANNE Me? In there? I don't think so. PARKER Join the fun, Mom. Joanne looks at Jack and smiles, glances at Parker and then steps off the dock into the water. They swim around, splashing each other. LAKE - LITTLE WHILE LATER The family stands on the dock and the shore, wringing out their clothes. The moon shines bright in the sky. MICHELLE I'm going to change. I get the tent first. She dashes up the path. Parker races after her. JOANNE I told you he'd come around. JACK He sure took long enough. They head up the path with Allison and Ben. CAMPSITE - A LITTLE LATER Everyone wears pajamas or sweats. They sit around the fire roasting marshmallows. Joanne leans her head on Jack's shoulder. JOANNE This is nice. EXT. CAMPSITE - MORNING All is still with no one in sight. Ominous gray clouds hang low in the sky. THUNDER rumbles in the distance. INT. TENT -CONTINUOUS Four single sleeping bags lay on the tent floor, holding the sleeping children. One double sleeping bag holds Jack and Joanne. Joanne lays on her side with her back to Jack. Jack lays with his hands behind his head, staring into space. Joanne rolls over and sees that Jack is awake. JOANNE Was that thunder I heard? JACK Good morning. He opens up one of his arms and Joanne cuddles next to him. JOANNE Good morning. What'cha thinking about? JACK We made it. JOANNE What? JACK We made it. We slept in the tent for the whole night. JOANNE I know. Isn't it exciting? THUNDER rumbles louder and closer. JACK What should we do today? JOANNE I hate to say it, but I think we should pack up and go home. I think that ranger was right. Sounds like a wicked storm brewing. JACK I agree. Now that we know how to do it, we can camp any weekend. Let's get the kids up. EXT. CAMPSITE - MORNING The sky hangs darker over the camp. The minivan doors stand open as Jack puts the carrier back on the top. Flashes of lightening followed almost immediately by thunder make the family scurry. The winds pick up and they chase after blown lawn chairs. Suddenly, the skies open up and a deluge of rain comes pouring down. JOANNE In the minivan! Get in the minivan! After a wild scramble, everyone sits in the minivan, soaking wet. The wind howls outside. Allison crawls into the front seat with Joanne. ALLISON Mommy, I'm scared. JOANNE Don't worry, it's just a storm. It'll be over soon. Thunder and Lightening occur together. They all jump and Allison covers her ears and starts to cry. JOANNE (CONT'D) Jack, why don't you start up the car so we can get warm. JACK That's a great idea. If only I had my keys. JOANNE Where are your keys? JACK I left them on the picnic table. They peer through the rain and can just make out the keys on the table. MICHELLE Oh, great. I'm cold. She hugs herself as her teeth chatter. BEN Why don't you go get the keys, Dad? JACK In this? He indicates the storm. JACK (CONT'D) I don't think so. It's not like we're going to freeze or anything. We can ride out this storm. Suddenly, a brilliant flash of lightening lights up the site as it hits the tree on their site followed quickly by a booming clap of THUNDER. Everyone jumps, Michelle screams and Allison cries harder. CRACKING NOISES outside bring them all to the windows. As they watch, half of the tree snaps off and slowly falls, landing right on their tent. Everyone sits silent, in shock, then Allison starts crying again. EXT. CAMPSITE - A WHILE LATER The rain has stopped. Jack and Joanne stand by the tent, looking at the mess. Everything drips with water. Allison hangs on Joanne while Ben plays in a puddle near by. JOANNE Do you think we can save it? JACK It's a goner. Parker and Michelle jog up to their parents. PARKER The lawn chairs are gone. MICHELLE About the only things left are the cooler and Dad's keys. Slowly, one by one, everyone starts to clean up the disaster. EXT. HOWSER HOUSE - THE NEXT DAY - ESTABLISHING INT. HOWSER HOUSE, KITCHEN Joanne stirs potato salad while Jack loads condiments on a tray. She glances out the window. JOANNE It sure is nice today. You'd never know there was a huge storm yesterday. JACK We are the world's biggest losers. No wonder this family is falling apart. JOANNE What are you talking about? JACK A whole summer and we had one good night. JOANNE But it was a great night. She picks up the bowl and starts for the back door. Jack follows with the tray. INT. GARAGE - CONTINUOUS Jack and Joanne step into the garage and head for the door to the backyard. The children's voices reach their ears. JOANNE Wait. Listen. BEN (O.S.) Remember when the clothes flew all over. PARKER (O.S.) I remember Michelle finding her underwear in a pricker bush. MICHELLE (O.S.) Hardy-har-har. We never found your underwear. I'm sure it took the chance to escape. Jack and Joanne look at each other and smile. BACKYARD - CONTINUOUS The four children sit around the picnic table. ALLISON I liked it when Mommy pushed Ben into the lake BEN I liked that, too. Jack and Joanne appear from the garage. JOANNE Did I hear someone talking about me? She sets the bowl on the table, followed by Jack with the tray. MICHELLE We were just remembering this summer. Joanne smiles. JOANNE That's nice. JACK Let me get the meat and we can eat. He heads back into the garage. Parker gets up and follows him. INT. GARAGE - CONTINUOUS Parker catches up to Jack before he goes into the house. PARKER Dad? Jack stops. JACK Yes, Parker? Parker shuffles the garage floor with his feet. PARKER I found out that my friends left the back yard in the middle of the night. JACK Where did they go? PARKER They...I mean...they robbed a convenience store, Dad. And they all got caught. JACK I'm sorry about your friends, but what they did was wrong. Jack turns to go back into the house. Parker stands, frozen. Jack turns around to face him again. JACK (CONT'D) Is there something else, Parker? Parker rushes over and hugs his dad. Jack, taken by surprise, takes a moment before hugging him back. PARKER Thanks for making me go camping with you. I'm sorry I was so mean. JACK It's okay. I'm glad you were with us, too. They stop hugging and head for the house. JACK (CONT'D) Do you think you would have gone along with robbing that store with your friends? PARKER I don't know, Dad. I'm pretty stupid these days. EXT. BACKYARD - A FEW MINUTES LATER Jack and Parker join the family with the trays of meat. Everyone quickly puts together their plate with hamburgers and hotdogs, potato salad and chips. As they start to eat, Parker looks meaningfully at Michelle. He moves his head, urging her to speak. She makes the motion back at him. JOANNE Okay, what is it. I can see you trying to tell us something. The kids all stop eating and look at each other, hesitant to speak. ALLISON We want to go camping. JACK What? MICHELLE We want to go camping again. PARKER The whole family. BEN It was so much fun. ALLISON Please. JACK You know everything got destroyed in the storm. MICHELLE We can buy new stuff. JOANNE Won't you miss Beth? MICHELLE Maybe she could come with us some time. BEN Eww. No. PARKER Maybe we could try camping in the mountains. BEN Or the desert. MICHELLE The desert would be too hot. ALLISON I want dessert. BEN Desert, not dessert, stupid. Allison sticks her tongue out at him. PARKER Wherever we go, something is bound to happen. MICHELLE And that's what makes it fun. Jack and Joanne smile at each other. JACK Are you sure you want to do this? The kids all groan. JACK (CONT'D) I think that can be arranged. The kids cheer and then they all start talking about the past trips and new plans. FADE OUT. THE END